Diary of a Tired Black Man

Pantyhose Cams


Diary of a Tired Black Man

( birds chirping )
“JUNE 20th.
I WENT TO PICK UP LENA
FROM TONYA ON SATURDAY
AFTERNOON.

I HAPPENED TO HAVE
A YOUNG LADY WITH ME

THAT I HAVE BEEN SEEING
FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS…

THE PLAN WAS SIMPLY
FOR THE THREE OF US

TO SPEND A FUN DAY
TOGETHER.

WHEN THE DOOR OPENED
I WAS GREETED

BY TONYA
AND HER THREE FRIENDS…”

( women chattering )
( women laugh )
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO
ABOUT THE DRINKING SITUATION?
OKAY, I NEED A COCKTAIL.
WHO NEEDS A COCKTAIL?
PATRON.
( all chattering )
I COULD USE ONE.
A MARGARITA.
ANYBODY WANT A MARTINI?
I KNOW I NEED ONE.
– YOU CAN SPIKE MY WATER.
– HAVE A MARGARITA INSTEAD.
– OKAY, THAT’S FINE.
TELL ME THAT AIN’T JAMES
ROLLING UP WITH A WHITE GIRL.
OH, HELL NO.
OH, THAT’S FUCKED UP.
I KNOW YOU’RE NOT GONNA LET HIM
DISRESPECT YOU LIKE THAT.
JUST WAIT HERE.
I’M GONNA GO AND GET HER.
– WANT ME TO GET HER FOR YOU?
– NO, IT’S OKAY.
OH, HELL NO.
HE’S GONNA KISS THE BITCH
IN YOUR DRIVEWAY.
OH, NO.
THAT’S REALLY FUCKED UP.
HE ONLY BROUGHT HER HERE
TO PISS YOU OFF.
HE CAME TO PICK UP LENA,
BUT HE SHOULD HAVE CAME
BY HIMSELF.
BASTARD.
WHAT?
WHAT? WHAT’S UP
WITH THE WHITE CHICK?
WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO
WITH ME PICKING UP LENA?
IS SHE READY?
YOU WEAK PUNK,
YOU HAD TO GO AND GET
A WHITE GIRL?
WHAT’S WRONG?
YOU COULDN’T FIND A SISTER
THAT WOULD LAY DOWN
AND LET YOU WALK OVER HER?
James:
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING
TO SAY, TONYA?

SHE’S SAYING YOU’RE
A WEAK-ASS NIGGA.
A WEAK-ASS NIGGA?
YEAH, WEAK-ASS NIGGA.
I HATE BLACK MEN LIKE YOU–
TOO WEAK TO DEAL

WITH A STRONG BLACK WOMAN,
SO YOU GOTTA GO FIND
A WEAK WHITE GIRL
TO WALK ALL OVER
AND SPEND HER NIGHTS
WITH YOUR DICK
IN HER MOUTH.
TELL HIM, GIRL.
A WEAK BLACK MAN, HUH?
SAY, BRIDGETTE, DO YOU HAVE
A MAN RIGHT NOW?
NO, I’M TIRED OF YOU
WEAK-ASS NIGGAS.
AND YOU, LINDA?
NO.
WHAT ABOUT YOU, JOY?
YEAH, A WHITE MAN.
A WHITE MAN?
YEAH, SHE HAD TO GO
GET A WHITE MAN
‘CAUSE ALL Y’ALL NIGGAS
IS OUT DATING WHITE WOMEN
AND THERE AIN’T
NONE LEFT.
HOW LONG WERE
WE MARRIED, TONYA?
FOUR YEARS.
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED
ME TO BE ATTRACTED
TO A WHITE WOMAN?
NO.
AND HOW LONG YOU KNOWN ME
BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED?
THREE YEARS.
THREE YEARS.
IN THIS TIME
HAVE YOU EVER KNOWN ME
TO BE WITH ANY WHITE GIRL?
NO.
NO. THIS HOUSE HERE–
WHO BOUGHT IT?
LET ME ANSWER IT
FOR YOU, TONYA.

THIS HOUSE YOU LIVE IN–
I BOUGHT IT,
AND ALL THE FURNITURE
IN IT.
AND NOW I LIVE
IN A BIGGER ONE.

LET’S NOT EVEN TALK
ABOUT THE CAR
AND THE MONTHLY
ALIMONY CHECK.
YOU DON’T EVEN REMEMBER
THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED.
AND YOU AND YOUR
ANGRY LITTLE CREW
ARE GONNA CALL ME
A WEAK BLACK MAN?
WHY? JUST BECAUSE
I LIKE TO COME BACK HOME
TO A PEACEFUL HOUSE
AT THE END OF THE DAY

INSTEAD OF GOING BACK
TO THE DRAMA
LIKE I HAD WITH YOU
FOR FOUR YEARS?
SO YOU THINK
A BLACK MAN IS WEAK

JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN’T
FEEL LIKE FIGHTING
EVERY SINGLE NIGHT?
IF THIS WOMAN HERE–
WHITE OR ANY OTHER COLOR–
IF SHE CAN BRING ME
SOME BALANCE IN MY LIFE,
I REALLY DON’T CARE
WHAT YOU
AND YOUR LITTLE ANGRY CREW
ARE SAYING,
BUT LET ME SET
THE RECORD STRAIGHT–
I AM NOT
A WEAK BLACK MAN.
I AM A TIRED
BLACK MAN–
TIRED OF DEALING WITH EVERY
BLACK WOMAN LIKE YOU
AND YOU.
NOW WHERE IS
MY DAUGHTER?
– THAT WAS REAL GOOD.
– THAT CLIP WAS GOOD.
SHE SHOULD HAVE DID IT
IN PRIVATE.
OOH!
I LIKE THIS.
I LIKE THIS.
I LIKE THIS.
NOW THAT WAS POPPIN’, SON.
– OH, YEAH.
– I’M WITH HIM.
I’M WITH YOU, BROTHER.
– WHO WROTE THIS?
– ( laughing )
HE CHECKED HER ASS.
( laughing )
WELL, HE WAS RIGHT.
– WHOA.
– HMM.
I WANT TO KNOW,
WHERE IS HIS DAUGHTER?
HE ASKED WHERE
HIS DAUGHTER IS.
WELL, THE FIRST THING
I NOTICED IS THEY WERE
READING “JANE.”
OOH!
OKAY, THAT NIGGA–
HUH-UH.
HE AIN’T NO GOOD.
I’M TELLING YOU NOW.
I CAN DIG THAT, BROTHER.
HE DOES PUT THEM
IN THEIR PLACE.
( sighs )
I’M NOT SAYING ANYTHING.
( sighs )
YOU TALK FIRST.
WE TIRED.
– HE WAS WEST INDIAN.
– I KNOW, HIS ACCENT.
THAT PUTS
A WHOLE TURN ON IT.
WHEN I SAW THE CLIP–
WHEN I SAW THE CLIP
AND I WATCHED IT EARLY ON,
I WAS LIKE,
“FINALLY,
OUR PERSPECTIVE.”
Man:
SO WHICH ONE IS YOUR WIFE,
YOUNG MAN?

IT’S THE BEAUTIFUL LADY.
SO IS IT STILL GOOD?
I LET HER STAY
AT MY PLACE.
SHE’S JUST
GONNA USE MY BED
WITHOUT ASKING.
HOW ARE YOU TWO BEAUTIFUL
LADIES DOING TODAY?
– AM I WRONG WHEN I SAY THAT?
– Man: HOW ARE YOU DOING, MA’AM?
NO, IF I WERE YOU,
I WOULD LET HER KNOW EXACTLY
HOW I FELT ABOUT IT.
LOOK AT THAT BOY OVER THERE.
HE AIN’T GETTING ANYWHERE
WITH THEM GIRLS.
HE SURE AIN’T.
THEM GIRLS WANT A THUG.
NO, SERIOUSLY, YOU SHOULD
HAVE CALLED HER

AND TOLD HER HOW YOU FELT.
– YOU LOOK SO PRETTY.
WHAT’S YOUR NAME?
I WOULD HAVE
CALLED HER…

LOOK AT HIM.
HE’S STILL STANDING THERE.
( laughs )
POOR THING.
YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED HER
AND CUSSED HER OUT…
I SEE YOU GUYS ARE BUSY.
I’LL GO AHEAD AND…
YOU GUYS HAVE A NICE DAY.
I BET SHE WON’T
COME BACK TO MY PLACE.
YOU HAVE GOT
TO BE KIDDING ME.
I AM NOT THE ONE.
I INVENTED THE BARBECUE.
THE SECRET
IS IN THE MEAT.
OKAY.
THAT’S TRUE IN ANYTHING.
THAT’S TRUE IN LIFE.
IF YOU AIN’T GOT
GOOD MEAT,
YOU AIN’T GONNA HAVE
A GOOD PICNIC.
SEE THAT BOY RIGHT THERE?
HE GON’ GET IT.
OOH, GIRL,
BACK WHEN I WAS YOUNGER,
I WOULD HAVE TORE THAT UP.
I’D STILL TEAR IT UP.
– HOW ARE YOU DOING?
– FINE.
– WHAT’S YOUR NAME?
– NICOLE.
HOW ARE YOU DOING, NICOLE?
MY NAME IS JAY.
– NICE TO MEET YOU.
– NICE TO MEET YOU.
– LEROY.
– OOH, LEROY.
– REMEMBER HIM?
– GIRL…
– YOU GOT A MAN?
– NO.
YOU DO NOW.
YOU CAN COME HOLLA AT ME,
STRAIGHT UP.
COME HERE.
COME ON.
LOOK WHAT I GOT
STUCK WITH–
– ALAN.
– PSHH.
SO HOW LONG
HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?
23 YEARS.
WOW, AND HOW
DID YOU DO THAT?
THE SECRET TO A HAPPY
MARRIAGE, MY MAN–
CONTROL YOUR WOMAN.
SEE THESE PANTS?
YOU’RE THE ONE
THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE
WEARING THEM.
WHEN YOU TALK,
SHE LISTENS.
IT’S LIKE THAT OLD
E.F. HUTTON COMMERCIAL–
WHEN YOU TALK,
SHE TURNS AND LISTENS.
LOOK AT HIM OVER THERE,
TALKING ALL THAT TRASH.
ALAN, BRING ME SOME FOOD.
YOU WANT A HOT DOG
OR A HAMBURGER, BABY?
I WANT A HOG DOG.
OKAY, YOU WANT
SOME MUSTARD?
– THEY GOT SOME GOOD RELISH.
EVERYTHING.
OKAY, BABY,
I’LL GET YOU ONE
RIGHT AWAY.
– CONTROL YOUR WOMAN.
– I SEE.
– DON’T LET HER
CONTROL YOU.
– HUH-UH.
BRING ME SOMETHING TOO.
WHERE YOUR MAN IS?
HE AIN’T HERE,
SO I’M USING YOURS.
SHOOT.
GIRL, NOW HOW ARE YOU
GONNA HAVE A BARBECUE
THAT AIN’T GOT NO RIBS?
YOU ARE ALWAYS COMPLAINING.
GIRL, GO EAT WHAT’S
ON THE GRILL.
THERE AIN’T NO MEN
HERE EITHER.
THEN GO GET ON MYSPACE
AND FIND YOURSELF ONE.
( all laugh )
BUT DIDN’T YOU JUST HAVE
A MAN LAST WEEK?
LAST WEEK
IS LAST WEEK.
MAMA.
MAMA.
WHAT THE FUCK YOU GETTING
IN GROWN-FOLKS BUSINESS FOR?
I WANTED SOME MONEY
FOR THE ICE-CREAM TRUCK.

YOU CAN’T HAVE NO MONEY.
GET OUT OF MY FACE.
ACTING LIKE YOUR DADDY.
DO YOU HAVE TO TALK
TO HIM LIKE THAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
– YOU DON’T KNOW
WHAT I GO THROUGH.
– EXCUSE ME.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, SHANTE?
YOU DON’T WANT TO GET
WITH A MAN
LIKE YOUR BROTHER
OR YOUR DADDY, OKAY?
JUST TRIFLING NIGGAS.
I HATE MEN.
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN SYNDROME.
SOME OF Y’ALL ARE WORKING
ON A COCKTAIL,
BUT LET’S INVESTIGATE.
WHAT IS ANGRY BLACK WOMAN
SYNDROME?
BLACK MEN STINK ON A LEVEL–
A HIGH LEVEL.
I DON’T AGREE WITH THAT.
I DON’T AGREE
THAT THERE ARE NO GOOD
BLACK MEN.
YEAH, THAT’S JUST
A STEREOTYPE.
I’VE DATED EVERY RACE
AND THE ONE GUY I’M HAPPY WITH
IS A BLACK MAN.
AND I’M NOT BLACK.
HERE’S WHAT IT IS–
I TALKED TO A CLINICAL
PSYCHOLOGIST.

HE HAS NAMED IT–
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN SYNDROME.

HERE’S WHERE
IT COMES FROM–

OH MY GOD.
NO, I’M SORRY.
– Boy: I BELIEVE THAT.
– I’M LISTENING.
NO NO NO, GO AHEAD.
WE ARE ANGRY,
SO DON’T EXPECT ME
TO JUST STOP.
OKAY, PLEASE,
MY ANGER, PLEASE–
‘CAUSE I THINK I HAVE
THE RIGHT TO BE ANGRY.
OKAY, NOW I HAVE THE RIGHT
TO BE ANGRY.
– YOU DO.
– OKAY. NO, YOU’RE NOT,
BECAUSE WHENEVER
YOU TRY TO TELL ME
WHY I SHOULDN’T BE,
– YOU’RE JUST TAKING AWAY
WHAT I SAID.
– DENYING.
DENYING.
I HAVE THE RIGHT
TO BE ANGRY.
OKAY, ANY BLACK MAN
COMES TO ME,
HAS TO UNDERSTAND–
IF HE IS REALLY A BLACK MAN–
HAS TO SIT BACK
AND UNDERSTAND WHERE IS
THE SOURCE OF THAT ANGER.
OKAY, AS A BLACK MAN,
SIT DOWN WITH ME
AND UNDERSTAND
WHY I’M ANGRY
WITHOUT PUTTING IT
BACK ON ME–
THAT I’M ANGRY BECAUSE OF
SOMETHING THAT I’VE DONE,
I’M ANGRY BECAUSE I DIDN’T
UNDERSTAND BLACK MEN,
I’M ANGRY BECAUSE I HELPED
THAT BROTHER OUT.
THAT’S NOT WHAT I SAID.
– I’M NOT SAYING THAT,
BUT WHAT YOU DO DO IS–
WHAT YOU DO– YOU DEVALIDATE.
ANY TIME YOU SAY “BUT,”
OR TRY TO SAY–
OKAY, ALL RIGHT,
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
TO BE ANGRY,
AND MEN HAVE THE RIGHT
TO DECIDE THEY DON’T WANT
TO DEAL WITH THE ANGER
– BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T DO IT.
– NO, BUT YOU DID IT.
– AM I OBLIGATED
TO DEAL WITH THE ANGER?
– YES, YOU ARE–
WE ALL HAVE ANGER ISSUES,
BUT HOW WE DEAL WITH THEM
BECOMES THE ISSUE.
I THINK THE RELATIONSHIP
GOES WRONG
IN A WOMAN’S
UPBRINGING–
LIKE IF HER FATHER
WAS NEVER AT HOME,
AND HOW IS SHE GONNA
REACT TO A MAN?
BOTTOM LINE–
IF A WOMAN
IS NOT RAISED RIGHT
BY BOTH PARENTS–
THERE’S THINGS THAT YOU HAVE
TO LEARN FROM YOUR FATHER,
AND THERE’S THINGS THAT YOU
HAVE TO LEARN FROM YOUR MOTHER
IN ORDER TO GO
THROUGH SOCIETY
AND NOT CAUSE A WRECK
IN EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO.
YOU’RE SAYING, MY BROTHERS,
THEY NEVER LEARN HOW
TO RESPECT A MAN

IN THE FIRST PLACE.
– NEVER.
‘CAUSE THEY CAN’T HANDLE
AN AGGRESSIVE BLACK WOMAN.
REALLY?
– YEAH.
AND WE’RE SUPPOSED TO?
– YEAH.
WHY?
– BECAUSE.
NEVER,
BECAUSE THEIR MOTHERS,
AS THEY WERE RAISED,
MAY HAVE DONE THINGS
TO DISRESPECT
THEIR FATHERS
IN THEIR ABSENCE–
“OH, YOUR DADDY
AIN’T NO GOOD.
ALL THESE NIGGAS
ARE JUST THE SAME.
THEY’RE ALL THE SAME.”
THAT’S NOT TRUE.
AND THAT PICTURE
SHOULD NEVER BE PAINTED
FOR A CHILD ANYWAY.
I FEEL THAT SHE’S ANGRY,
AND THAT COMES OUT
IN HER SPEECH.
AND MAYBE SHE SAID
THAT I DON’T SEE
MY BLACK MAN
AS A BAD BLACK MAN
BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW,
OR MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE
I HAVEN’T HAD
THAT EXPERIENCE.
MY FATHER WAS THERE.
HE WAS AMAZING.
I’VE DATED OTHER RACES,
GOOD AND BAD.
AND I’M DATING A BLACK GUY
AND HE’S GREAT–
TO ME, ANYWAY.
SO I DON’T HAVE
THAT ANGER INSIDE
WHERE I CAN SAY,
“THERE’S NO GOOD
BLACK MEN.”
IT’S ALL RELATIVE
TO YOUR EXPERIENCE.
SO MAYBE THE REASON
SHE CAN’T FIND A BLACK MAN

IS SHE DOESN’T BELIEVE
THEY EXIST.

I HAVEN’T FOUND ANY
THAT ARE JUST GOOD.
I JUST HAVEN’T.
NOW THE YOUNGER ONES
ARE PROMISING.
YOU MIGHT SEE
A GOOD BLACK MAN
AND THINK HE’S BORING.

YOU MIGHT SEE
A GOOD BLACK MAN AND THINK
A LOT OF THINGS.

NO, YOU KNOW WHAT
THE GOOD BLACK MEN DATE?
WHAT?
– OKAY, THE GOOD BLACK MEN
USUALLY DATE WOMEN–
THEY DATE GIRLS
LIKE HER, RIGHT?
– YES, EXACTLY.
AND THIS ONE.
– RIGHT.
THOSE ARE
YOUR ENEMIES– THEM.
– THEY AIN’T DATING ME.
I LOVE THEM, BUT YES.
THEY AIN’T DATING ME.
I’M, LIKE, ORIGINAL–
I’M THE QUEEN.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
NO, YOU RARELY SEE IT.
SO, A REAL BLACK WOMAN;
NOT QUITE A BLACK WOMAN;
NOT QUITE A BLACK WOMAN,
RIGHT?

I’M SORRY YOU HAD
TO FIND THIS OUT,
BUT THAT’S VERY TRUE.
LIKE, ALL BASKETBALL,
N.B.A.– WHAT DO YOU SEE?
PARENTS RAISE THEIR KIDS
AND IN FRUSTRATION
THEY’RE ALWAYS SAYING
HOW NO-GOOD THE DADDY WAS
AND BLAH BLAH BLAH.
THAT GETS EMBEDDED
IN THEIR SPIRIT.
YOU CAN’T TELL YOUR KIDS
HOW NO-GOOD THE FATHER WAS.
YOU GOT A LOT
OF SINGLE WOMEN OUT HERE
AND THEY RAISE THEIR
LITTLE BLACK KIDS–
ALL THEY HEAR IS,
“THE MAN AIN’T SHIT.
YOUR DADDY WASN’T SHIT.
THIS ONE AIN’T SHIT.
THAT ONE AIN’T SHIT.
THIS ONE AIN’T SHIT.
THAT ONE AIN’T SHIT”–
ALL BECAUSE THEY HAD
A BAD RELATIONSHIP.
IT DON’T TAKE BUT ONE
BAD RELATIONSHIP
TO FUCK UP A WHOLE ARMY
OF BLACK WOMEN.
WHAT YOU FEEL PERSONALLY
AS A WOMAN AGAINST ME
SHOULD NEVER BE CONVEYED
TO MY CHILDREN.
– Man: PREACH.
– Man #2: EXACTLY.
BECAUSE WHEN THAT WOMAN
GROWS UP
AND SHE GETS
WITH A MAN,
OR IS TRYING TO GET WITH
ALL THESE DIFFERENT MEN
TO COMPENSATE FOR WHAT
SHE DIDN’T GROW UP WITH–
HER FATHER–
SHE’S LOST.
BUT SEE, THAT’S
THE WHOLE THING.
I THINK THAT IT WAS
THE MEN’S FAULT AT FIRST
FOR TIRING OUT
THE BLACK WOMEN
AND USING THEM
IN A NEGATIVE WAY.
AND NOW WE’RE GIVING IT
TO THE MEN NOW.

– EXACTLY, IT’S COMING
RIGHT BACK TO US NOW.
WE’RE RECIPROCATING.
EXACTLY, SO HOW
CAN YOU SAY–?

TWO WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT–
THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE
TRYING TO SAY.
WHAT THIS MAN IS SAYING IS
HE DIDN’T DO IT.

– EXACTLY.
NO NO!
YOU HAVE MORE BLACK WOMEN
WHO WEREN’T RAISED
BY THEIR FATHERS,
SO THEY HAVE MORE
PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES.
AND THEY’RE ALWAYS
DEALING WITH IT BECAUSE
THEY’RE EMOTIONAL.
WHENEVER THEY THINK ABOUT IT,
THEY REACT TO IT.
AND THEIR HUSBANDS
HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT
WHEN THEY COME HOME.
THEY GROW UP
WITHOUT A FATHER
IN A LOT OF CASES.
OR IF THEY HAVE A FATHER,
HE SUCKS
IN MOST CASES.
THEY HEARD THEIR MOTHER
FROM THE TIME THEY CAN
REMEMBER
UNDERSTANDING WHAT
THE WORD MEANS, SAYING,
“YOUR DADDY AIN’T NO GOOD.
BLACK MEN AIN’T NO GOOD.”
THEY HEARD THEIR
GRANDMOTHER SAY IT,
THEIR AUNTS SAY IT,
ALL THEIR FRIENDS SAY IT.
THEY FINALLY GROW UP.
THEY’RE 14 YEARS OLD.
WOW, THEY HAVE GROWN.
THEY HAVE A DATE.
AND THEY GO OUT WITH A GUY
WHO’S NO GOOD.
AND THEY CONTINUE GOING OUT
WITH GUYS WHO ARE NO GOOD
FOR YEARS.
– DAMN, BITCH!
– HURRY UP, JAMES.
SHE’S IN 206.
GET AWAY FROM ME.
GO!
BITCH, COME HERE!
HOW YOU GET ME SO MAD
ALL THE FUCKING TIME?
– NOW WHAT?
– COMING, LINDA!
I’LL KNOCK THE FUCK
OUT OF YOUR ASS.
CALL THE FUCKING POLICE.
I’LL HANDLE THEM TOO.
– NOW WHAT?
– Tonya: GET OFF HER!
GET OFF HER!
WHAT, YOU WANT
TO FIGHT ME NOW?
DON’T THINK THEY’RE GONNA
BE HERE ALL NIGHT.
THIS AIN’T OVER.
GET THE FUCK OUT.
LINDA, ARE YOU OKAY, LINDA?
– OKAY, DON’T WORRY.
IS HE GONE?
COME HERE.
DON’T WORRY.
YOU OKAY?
HE’S GONE.
DON’T WORRY.
HE CUT YOUR LIP.
IF YOU LET HIM CONTINUE,
HE’S GOING TO KILL YOU.
– BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.
– WHAT DON’T I UNDERSTAND?
– HE LOVES ME, THOUGH.
– LINDA, HE DOES NOT
LOVE YOU.
HE DOES.
I KNOW HE DOES.
YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME.
Tonya: TRUST WHAT?
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FIGHTS
I’VE BROKEN UP?

BUT WHO’S GONNA
TAKE CARE OF HIM?

WHO CARES ABOUT HIM?
I CARE ABOUT YOU.

THE PROBLEM I SEE
IS SIN.
YOU KNOW,
IF A BLACK WOMAN
IS ATTRACTED TO A MAN
THAT’S NO GOOD,
THAT’S REALLY
THE SIN IN HER.
SHE HASN’T CONFRONTED
THE FACT THAT SHE DESIRES
SOMETHING EVIL
RATHER THAN
SOMETHING GOOD.
AND VICE VERSA.
IF THERE’S A BLACK MAN
THAT’S JUST
HAVING BABIES
AND NOT TAKING CARE
OF THOSE KIDS,
HE’S STILL CAUGHT UP IN SIN.
SO IT’S NOT REALLY
A BLACK ISSUE.
IT’S NOT REALLY
A WHITE ISSUE.
IT’S AN ISSUE OF MORALITY
THAT WE HAVE TO CONFRONT.
I HATE TO SAY IT–
I’M NOT EVEN GONNA
HATE TO SAY IT.
I’M GONNA BE
REAL HONEST WITH YOU–
SOME OF THAT
IS OUR FAULT.
BECAUSE A LOT OF WOMEN
HAVE HAD BAD EXPERIENCES
WITH OTHER BROTHERS.
AND THE NEXT BROTHER
HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT.
SWEETHEART, THERE ARE
SOME GOOD MEN OUT HERE.
YEAH, BECAUSE,
I’LL BE HONEST,
WOMEN ARE KICKING ASS,
BUT I THINK A LOT OF IT
IS A CYCLE OF SHIT–
DUDES THAT AIN’T GOT
NO FATHERS,
THEY DON’T REALLY KNOW
HOW TO TREAT WOMEN.
THEY TREAT WOMEN FUCKED-UP
BECAUSE THEY AIN’T HAD
THAT BALANCE.
THEN THE WOMEN BE LIKE,
“THESE ARE THE ONLY KIND
OF MOTHERFUCKERS OUT THERE.”
AND FOR SOME REASON
THEY’RE ATTRACTED
TO THE ASSHOLE MOTHERFUCKERS.
AND NORMALLY
THE ASSHOLE MOTHERFUCKERS
IS THEM NIGGAS THAT NEVER
HAD THEIR FATHER AROUND.
ALL THEY EVER HAD
WAS THEIR MOTHER.
AND THEN THEM
FUCKED-UP DUDES END UP
WITH THE FINEST WOMEN
AND THE BEST WOMEN.
THEY FUCK THE WOMEN UP.
AND THEN THE WOMEN START–
THEN ANY MAN, THEY GO,
“ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS
IS JUST LIKE THAT ASSHOLE
THAT DIDN’T HAVE NO DADDY.”
AND THEN THEY START
TREATING NIGGAS LIKE SHIT.
‘CAUSE YOU COULD BE
A GOOD MAN–
MY WOMAN IS STILL BRUISED
FROM HER EX-HUSBAND.
WOMEN SAY, “ALL MEN
AREN’T SHIT, OR AIN’T SHIT.”
THAT’S THEIR LINE,
WHEN REALLY WOMEN ARE
THE WORST DECISION-MAKERS
THERE ARE.
‘CAUSE THE LAST TIME
I LOOKED, A MAN HAS TO
ASK A WOMAN–
CAN HE GET SOME,
OR CAN HE BE WITH HER,
CAN HE TAKE HER OUT?
I’LL TELL YOU THIS–
WHAT I SEE MOST WOMEN DO.
THEY’RE YOUNGER–
THEY ALWAYS TRY
TO FIT A SQUARE PEG
INTO A ROUND HOLE.
LIKE, ALL MEN KNOW,
THERE WAS A GIRL
YOU LIKED,
AND THE GIRL
WOULD TELL YOU–
WHEN YOU WOULD TRY
TO GO OUT WITH HER,
THE FIRST THING SHE
WOULD TELL YOU IS,
“OH, BUT YOU’RE
LIKE MY BROTHER TO ME.
OH, YOU’RE LIKE
MY BEST FRIEND.
AND I DON’T
WANT TO BREAK UP
THAT RELATIONSHIP.”
YOU’RE AN IDIOT,
‘CAUSE YOUR MAN
OR YOUR HUSBAND
SHOULD BE
LIKE YOUR BEST FRIEND.
HE SHOULD HAVE
THE SAME INTERESTS
YOU HAVE.
AND WHAT MOST WOMEN DO IS,
THEY PICK A MAN
WHO DON’T HAVE
THEIR INTERESTS.
AND THEN WHEN
IT DOESN’T WORK OUT,
WHICH IT’S DESTINED
NOT TO WORK OUT,
THEN THEY PICK
ANOTHER MAN WHO–
AND MAKE THE SAME
BAD DECISION
WHERE IT’S NOT
GOING TO WORK OUT.
AND THEN THEY MAY DO IT
A THIRD TIME.
AND AFTER THAT THEY SAY,
“ALL MEN ARE SHIT,”
BEHIND THE THREE
FUCKED-UP DECISIONS
THAT THEY MADE.
A LOT OF THE TIMES
THE FELLOWS
WHO ARE DOING THE MOST
GET THE HARDEST TIME.
THE FELLOWS THAT’S OUT HERE
THAT AIN’T DOING NOTHING–
THEY GET IT EASY.
– YEAH, THAT’S TRUE.
– YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING?
THE FELLOWS
OUT HERE KNOCKING CHICKS
UPSIDE THE HEAD–
THEY DON’T GET
NO PROBLEMS.
IT’S THE ONE
THAT’S TRYING
TO BRING HOME THE BACON–
THAT’S ALL
IN THEIR FACE.
I DON’T ADVOCATE–
WE DON’T–
NONE OF US ADVOCATE,
YOU KNOW,
– HITTING A FEMALE
OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
– ABSOLUTELY NOT.
BUT AT THE SAME TIME,
THOUGH, WE SEE
A LOT OF THAT.
IF A MAN DOESN’T
DEMAND RESPECT
IN THAT FORM,
SOME WOMEN–
THEY ONLY ARE ABLE
TO NOTICE THAT.
ONCE AGAIN,
I’M NOT ADVOCATING
THAT YOU GO AROUND
HITTING ANY WOMAN.
THAT’S A PUNK MOVE.
BUT AT THE SAME
TIME, THOUGH–
BUT AT THE SAME TIME,
SOME WOMEN,
THEY NEED TO CHANGE
THEIR PERSPECTIVE.
AND IF YOU ASK THEM,
THEY WON’T HAVE AN ANSWER
AS TO WHY THEY PREFER
AN ABUSIVE SITUATION.
I NEVER COME TO THE DEFENSE
OF IGNORANT MEN.
I’M LIKE,
“WELL, THERE’S DUDES
OUT THERE LIKE THAT.
THEY’RE IGNORANT.
I’M NOT GONNA DEFEND THEM.
BUT BY NO MEANS–
HE’S NOT ME.
HE’S AN ISOLATED GUY OUT HERE
TEARING WOMEN’S LIVES APART.”
I’M NOT SAYING
THERE AREN’T ANY BAD MEN,
BUT WHAT I’M
SITTING HERE SAYING IS,
WHEN WOMEN MAKE
THESE BAD DECISIONS,
UNDERSTAND
WHAT’S GONNA COME OUT
FROM THAT BAD DECISION.
DON’T JUST SIT AND
EXPECT THE MAN TO BE–
TO BE WHAT YOU
WANT THEM TO BE
WHEN HE NEVER WAS
WHAT YOU THOUGHT
HE COULD BE.
THE LAST BLACK MAN
THAT I DATED WAS REALLY–
HE WAS FUCKED UP.
LIKE, I UNDERSTOOD
THE WORD
“TRIFLING-ASS NEGRO”
BECAUSE OF HIM.
HE TYPIFIES
– “TRIFLING-ASS NEGRO.”
WHAT DID HE DO
THAT WAS SO BAD?
WHAT DID HE DO?
OKAY, I’LL TELL YOU
EXACTLY WHAT HE DID.
HE LIED TO ME
ABOUT BEING MARRIED, OKAY?
WHITE MEN NEVER DO THAT.
OKAY, NEXT.

ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HAVEN’T FOUND
A WHITE MAN
THAT HAS LIED TO ME
ABOUT BEING MARRIED,
ACTUALLY.
THAT’S BEEN
MY EXPERIENCE,
QUITE HONESTLY.
I’M SURE THEY DO IT,
BUT I HAVEN’T EXPERIENCED IT.
AND WHAT ELSE
DID HE DO?

UH, LET’S SEE
WHAT ELSE.
OH, HE DIDN’T PAY
ON ANY DATE.
( laughs )
I DIDN’T HAVE A JOB.
HE HAD A JOB.
AND HE DIDN’T PAY
ON ANY DATE.
IT WAS AN ISSUE
FOR HIM, ACTUALLY–
THE WHOLE DATE THING.
AND I NEVER HAD AN ISSUE
WITH MONEY, EVER.
I WOULD PAY ON A DATE.
I WOULDN’T CARE.
– BUT HE MADE AN ISSUE OF IT.
HOW LONG DID YOU
GO OUT WITH HIM?
AND THEN, BOY–
HOW LONG DID YOU
GO OUT WITH HIM?

THAT’S THE FUCKED-UP PART.
I WENT OUT WITH HIM
FOR, LIKE, TWO YEARS.
TWO YEARS?!
– AFTER I FOUND OUT
HE WAS MARRIED.
BOY, YOU MAKE
REALLY GOOD DECISIONS.

BUT IT WAS
A COMMON-LAW MARRIAGE.
YOU MAKE REALLY GOOD
DECISIONS.
DOESN’T THAT
REFLECT ON YOU?

OH, IT SO REFLECTED ON ME,
BUT I’M JUST SAYING–
YOU EMPOWERED HIM TO DO THAT.
– I FELL IN LOVE WITH
THIS MOTHERFUCKER.
AND HE TOLD ME
HE WAS MARRIED
AFTER I FELL IN LOVE.
SEE, THAT’S EMOTIONAL.
SO NOW THERE’S
NO GOOD BLACK MEN.
AHA, THE TRUTH COMES OUT.

– MAYBE THAT’S WHY
THEY DO WHAT THEY DO.
– NO, I WISH THERE WERE…
– ‘CAUSE YOU ALLOW
THEM TO DO IT.
– …I REALLY DO.
THERE ARE SOME GOOD ONES.
I’M A GOOD ONE.

YOU DO LOOK LIKE A GOOD ONE,
BROTHER, I MUST SAY.
BUT I DIDN’T GROW UP
WITH A GOOD ONE.
MY DAD WAS NOT.
I MEAN, I LOVE MY DAD.
I LOVE HIM.
HE’S A PLAYER.
HE TYPIFIES
THAT WHOLE SONG,
“PAPA WAS A ROLLIN’ STONE.”
I LOVE MY FATHER,
BUT THAT’S WHAT I
GREW UP WITH.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOU AIN’T PICKING UP
THE KIDS?
YOU DID THE SAME SHIT
LAST WEEK.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
FUCK IT.
DON’T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT.
I’LL RAISE THEM MYSELF,
FUCKING ASSHOLE.
GO STRAIGHT TO HELL.
WHY IS HE ALWAYS
DOING THIS TO ME?
I HATE MEN.
I KNOW
MEN AIN’T RIGHT, GIRL.
DON’T CRY, GIRL.
DON’T CRY.

I KNOW THEY AIN’T
NO GOOD.

BLACK WOMEN
HAVE AN ATTITUDE
WHERE IN MOST INSTANCES
THEY’VE BEEN OPPRESSED
AND HAD TO PROVIDE
WITHOUT ANY HELP
FROM A BLACK MAN,
SO THEY HAVE TO TAKE
THAT OUT ON SOMEBODY.
TRY TO EXPLAIN WHY A WOMAN
WOULD GET A MAN WHO’S NO GOOD

AND PURSUE HIM
SO MANY YEARS,

AND NOBODY CAN TELL HER
OTHERWISE.
WHY?
A) IT PROBABLY
COULD STEM FROM
AND START OFF
YEARS AGO,
MAYBE WHEN SHE
WAS YOUNG.
– SO IT’S THAT–
– COMFORT.
–FIRST LOVE THING
THAT YOU NEVER GET OVER.
OR IT’S JUST
THE CHALLENGE
OF NEVER BEING ABLE
TO CONQUER
THIS PARTICULAR
PERSON.
WELL, MY SITUATION
IS SIMILAR TO THAT,
BECAUSE I’M 26
AND I GOT A 20-YEAR-OLD–
A 21-YEAR-OLD
BABY MOTHER
WHO DON’T WANT
TO ACT RIGHT.
I TRY TO DO
THE RIGHT THING,
AND SHE’S STILL
NOT ACTING RIGHT.
SO WHAT I GOTTA DO–
I GOTTA ACT IGNORANT
FOR HER–
TO MAKE HER REALIZE
WHAT’S GOING ON.
SO I GOTTA STOP CALLING.
I GOTTA STOP COMING OVER.
I GOTTA STOP GOING
TO SEE MY BOY
SO SHE CAN REALIZE
WHAT SHE’S MISSING OUT.
BUT, YOU KNOW,
THAT’S LIFE.
A BLACK WOMAN CAN HAVE
TOO MANY FRIENDS,
TOO MANY GIRLFRIENDS.
SO IF THEY HAVE TOO MANY
GIRLFRIENDS,
THAT’S GONNA BE
A CONFLICT RIGHT THERE.
YOU HAVE TO WATCH
THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE
AROUND YOU–
NOT JUST YOUR FRIENDS,
BUT YOUR ENEMIES,
BECAUSE THEY ARE
ALL A REFLECTION
OF EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE.
AND WHEN YOU GOT
A PROBLEM WITH THIS
TRIFLING MARK,
AND THIS BROKE BASTARD
IS AROUND, HE ALWAYS
ASKS FOR MONEY,
THEN YOU HAVE TO LOOK
INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY,
“THESE ARE THINGS
THAT I NEED TO CORRECT.”
AND WHEN YOU CORRECT THESE
THINGS, THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE
START DISAPPEARING.
THAT’S CALLED ELEVATION.
AND WITH ELEVATION
YOU ATTRACT
WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.
YOU ATTRACT THAT BALANCE,
SO WHEN YOU DO COME HOME,
YOU’RE NOT COMING HOME
TO SOME PISSED-OFF-ASS-
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN
THAT WANTS TO BITCH AND MOAN
ABOUT EVERY LITTLE THING.
IT’S INTERESTING.
YOU KNOW, I’VE BEEN
TO BARBECUES AT DIFFERENT
HOUSES AT TIMES,
AND I’D WALK INTO A HOUSE
AND WOMEN COULD BE
SITTING IN HERE,
FIVE AT A TIME,
AND THEY’RE DISCUSSING
ONE OF THE MEN,
ABOUT HOW HE’S NO GOOD,
HE’S NOT DOING WHAT HE’S
SUPPOSED TO DO.
AND I’M LOOKING
AT THE MIXTURE OF THE WOMEN
WHO ARE SITTING THERE–
ONE OF THEM
HASN’T HAD A MAN
IN FIVE YEARS.
THE OTHER IS SITTING THERE
WITH THREE KIDS,
AND MEN DON’T WANT TO BE
INVOLVED WITH HER BECAUSE SHE
DOESN’T WANT TO GO TO WORK.
THE THIRD ONE WOULD MESS
WITH EVERY SINGLE MAN
OUT THERE.
AND OTHER MEN KNOW THAT,
SO THEY DON’T WANT THAT
PERSON EITHER.
BUT THE ONE WOMAN
WHO REALLY HAS
A DECENT HOME
AND WHO IS REALLY HAPPY–
THEY’RE TRYING TO
MESS THAT UP.
I’VE NEVER BEEN ABLE
TO UNDERSTAND THAT.
SO NOW WHEN THAT WOMAN
LISTENS TO THEM, NOW SHE’S
OUT IN THE COLD.
AND THEY’RE ALL
SITTING THERE MISERABLE.
HERE’S THE PROBLEM–
IF A WOMAN NEVER WORKS
AND SHE’S TALKING
THAT KIND OF SHIT,
THAT COMES FROM THEM
EVIL-ASS, CHATTY-MOUTH-ASS
GIRLFRIENDS.
– THAT’S THE GIRLFRIENDS.
– ‘CAUSE THAT INFLUENCES A LOT.
WHEN YOUR WOMAN
IS ON THE PHONE
WITH A MOTHERFUCKING
ANOTHER WOMAN ALL THE TIME,
AND SHE GOT
FUCKING PROBLEMS,
SOMEHOW THAT SHIT
SEEPS INTO YOUR
GODDAMN RELATIONSHIP.
IT’S USUALLY
THE GIRLFRIENDS.
GIRLFRIENDS WILL
FUCK YOUR RELATIONSHIP UP.
YOUR SHIT WOULD BE NICE,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN
SHE’LL START POINTING OUT
SHIT THAT NEVER HAPPENED.
“WELL, MY FRIENDS
SO-AND-SO SAID
WHEN YOU LEAVE
YOUR SOCKS ON THE COUCH,
THAT MEANS
YOU DON’T THINK I’M SHIT
AND THAT I’M HERE
TO CLEAN UP FOR YOU.”
AND NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
YOU’RE FIGHTING
WITH YOUR WOMAN
‘CAUSE YOU FORGOT
TO PICK UP SOME FUCKING SOCKS
‘CAUSE OF THAT CRAZY–
– YOU EVER BEEN THE BROKE
ONE IN A RELATIONSHIP?
– OH, THAT’S THE WORST.
TELL ME
ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD.
MM…
WELL, I GREW UP
IN A VERY ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD.
MY FIRST MEMORIES ARE
MY FATHER
BEATING MY MOTHER–
VERY ABUSIVE
PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.
MY AUNTS
WENT THROUGH IT,
MY SISTERS.
I KIND OF JUST
GREW UP THINKING
ONE DAY
WHEN I WAS A WOMAN
THE SAME THING
WAS GONNA HAPPEN TO ME.
WHAT ABOUT
YOUR GIRLFRIENDS?
YOU WERE THERE
WHEN LINDA WAS GETTING BEAT
BY HER MAN, RIGHT?
THAT WASN’T THE FIRST TIME
THAT’S HAPPENED.
IT’S BEEN HAPPENING
FOR YEARS,
AND SHE STILL STAYS.
AND BRIDGETTE–
SHE HAS TWO KIDS
BY TWO DIFFERENT DADDIES.
BOTH OF THEM ARE
DEADBEAT DADS.
WHAT ABOUT JOY?
WHAT’S HER STORY?
JOY–
JOY IS SPECIAL.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
SHE MAKES UP
FOR THE LACK OF DADDY
IN HER LIFE
BY HAVING A WHOLE LOT
OF SUGAR DADDIES.
IT’S SAD.
COME HERE.
WHAT ABOUT YOU
AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?
HMM.
I’VE PRETTY MUCH GONE
THROUGH THE SAME THING,
JUST LIKE MY MOM–
PHYSICAL, MENTAL ABUSE,
VERBAL ABUSE.
YOU SEE THIS SCAR?
YEAH.
MY EX BROKE A BOTTLE
OVER MY FOREHEAD.
I PASSED OUT,
WOKE UP IN A HOSPITAL,
ALMOST LOST MY EYE.
YOU KNOW, I’M NOT
LIKE ANY OF THESE GUYS.
SO WHY DO YOU ACT
SO STRONG WITH ME?
I DON’T KNOW.
IT’S JUST,
LIKE, INSECURITIES
AND FEAR.
I KNOW
YOU’RE A GOOD MAN,
BUT I’VE NEVER BEEN
IN A RELATIONSHIP
LIKE THAT.
I’VE NEVER SEEN ONE.
I DON’T KNOW
HOW IT WORKS.
I KNOW YOU DON’T DESERVE
WHAT I DO TO YOU.
I’M SORRY.
IT’S OKAY.
EVERYONE’S THE PRODUCT
OF THEIR ENVIRONMENT.
A LOT OF WOMEN ARE ANGRY
BECAUSE OF THEIR UPBRINGING
AND THEIR ENVIRONMENT–
WHAT THEY SAW,
WHAT THEY DIDN’T SEE
IN THEIR HOUSEHOLD.
LACK OF THEIR FATHER
IN THEIR HOUSE
OR LACK OF A STRONG
MALE ROLE MODEL
IS THE REASON
WHY A LOT OF WOMEN
BRING RESENTMENT
INTO THE RELATIONSHIP.
SO I THINK WE’RE ALL
JUST A PRODUCT
OF OUR ENVIRONMENT,
WHAT WE HEAR,
WHAT WE SEE,
THE MEDIA.
AND I THINK THE MEDIA
HAS A LOT TO DO
WITH HOW WE FEEL
ABOUT EACH OTHER,
EVEN IF IT’S NOT SOMETHING
WE’VE EXPERIENCED.
– THAT’S WHAT YOU CALL
YOUR BAG LADY.
– RIGHT.
BUT THE BAG LADY
MAY HAVE A LOT OF BAGS,
BUT SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO
CARRY THEM FOREVER.
SHE CAN DROP THEM
AT SOME POINT,
LIKE, YOU KNOW,
“I’M TIRED.”
AND SHE PUTS THEM DOWN.
WOMEN NEED TO LEARN,
JUST THE SAME AS MEN–
HUMAN BEINGS NEED
TO LEARN
TO PUT WHAT HAPPENED
IN THE PAST IN THE PAST.
THAT’S REAL TALK.
THAT’S REAL TALK.
AND DON’T BRING FORTH
THE THINGS
THAT HAPPENED TO YOU
IN A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP
INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP,
BECAUSE I HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH THAT.
YEAH, GIVE ME A CHANCE.
YOU CANNOT CONTINUE
TO BRING YOUR PAIN FORWARD,
BECAUSE IT WILL
DESTROY
THE GOOD THING
THAT YOU FINALLY FIND.
YOU ALSO HAVE TO LEARN
HOW TO NOT GIVE AWAY
YOUR YOUTH
AND YOUR GOOD INTENTIONS
TO THE WRONG PERSON.
TOO MANY WOMEN
STAY IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP
UNTIL THEY HAVE
BRAIN DAMAGE.
THE PROBLEM
WITH THAT IS
IT JUST SETS UP
SO MANY THINGS.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
LET’S LOOK AT THE FACT
THAT WHEN A YOUNG GIRL
DOESN’T HAVE A MAN AROUND,
SHE HAS NO EXAMPLE
OF HOW TO DO IT
THE RIGHT WAY.
ALL SHE KNOWS
IS FIGHT.
SO SHE GROWS UP
AND SHE MIRRORS
HER MOTHER,
WHETHER IT’S WARRANTED
OR NOT.
THAT’S THE ONLY WAY
SHE CAN RELATE TO
A RELATIONSHIP.
WOMEN, BECAUSE THEY MAKE
BAD DECISIONS
AND OPEN THEIR LEGS
TO SOMEBODY THEY SHOULDN’T
HAVE BEEN WITH
IN THE FIRST PLACE,
NOW HAVE HIS CHILD
TO RAISE,
OR MAYBE 2.5 OF HIS
CHILDREN TO RAISE.
SO NOW THIS WOMAN,
ALL THE TIME ANGRY,
RAISES ANOTHER
ANGRY WOMAN.
AND SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW
WHY SHE’S MAD.
IT’S JUST PROGRAMMED
INTO HER.
THEN SHE’S TRYING
TO RAISE A BOY.
SHE CAN’T TEACH HIM
HOW TO PEE STANDING UP.
SHE CAN TRY TO DO
THE BEST SHE CAN,
BUT SHE NOW HAS
TO DISCIPLINE
THIS JUNIOR MAN
IN THIS HARD-TO-GROW-UP-IN
WORLD.
AND SHE TEARS DOWN
SOME OF THE FIBER THAT
MAKES HIM A MAN.
HE NEEDS A SENIOR MAN
TO TELL HIM
WHAT HE’S DOING
RIGHT AND WRONG.
HE’LL RESPECT THAT
DIFFERENT.
SO IT’S A LOT OF THINGS
THAT SET UP THE ISSUES.
SO THAT’S WHY
WE DON’T HAVE A LOT
OF GOOD MEN–
BECAUSE THEY
DON’T KNOW HOW.
AND THE WOMEN,
WHEN THEY DO GET ONE,
THEY DON’T KNOW
HOW TO LOVE HIM.
IT’S LIKE GETTING MARRIED
AND NOT KNOWING
HOW TO COOK.
YOU JUST DON’T KNOW.
SO THAT’S WHAT THINGS
LIKE THE BIBLE,
THAT’S WHAT THINGS LIKE
TALKING TO OLDER WOMEN
OR USING COMMON SENSE
AND PLAN SIMPLY,
JUST BE NICE.
IF YOU HAVE A MAN
WHO’S COMING HOME
EVERY DAY
DOING EVERYTHING HE CAN
TO HELP SUPPORT
THE FAMILY,
AND HE LEAVES HIS
UNDERWEAR ON THE FLOOR,
DOES THAT REALLY TAKE
TWO HOURS’ WORTH
OF NAGGING?
CAN’T YOU JUST
PICK ‘EM UP
IN THE NAME
OF PEACE?
WHY SHOULD A MAN
COME HOME
AND BE SCARED
TO STICK HIS KEY
IN THE DOOR
BECAUSE HE’S NOT SURE
WHAT TONIGHT’S DRAMA’S
GONNA BE?
I KNOW YOU DON’T THINK
IT’S MY JOB
TO PICK UP YOUR
STINKING-ASS UNDERWEAR.
NO, I DON’T, BUT WHAT IS
YOUR JOB, TONYA?
I CAN’T BELIEVE
YOU JUST SAID THAT.
I HAD YOUR CHILD.
I TAKE CARE OF HER ALL DAY
WHILE YOU RUN AROUND
DOING WHO KNOWS WHAT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I DO.
I PROVIDE FOR THE FAMILY.
NO, I DON’T KNOW
WHAT YOU DO.
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING
TO SAY, TONYA?
WHAT I’M SAYING IS
I’M NOT STUPID.
I KNOW WHAT MEN DO
AND CALL IT WORK.
LOOK, I’M HOME EVERY DAY
BY 7:15.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
SO YOU’RE SAYING
YOU DON’T HAVE
ANOTHER WOMAN?
OF COURSE NOT.
LISTEN, I HAVE TO
SLEEP NOW.
I HAVE TO BE UP
IN A FEW HOURS.
OH, YOU WANT
TO GO TO SLEEP, HUH?
YOU DON’T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT THIS?
TALK ABOUT WHAT?
I HAVEN’T DONE NOTHING.
HUH-UH.
WE’RE GONNA TALK
ABOUT THIS.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
BEHIND EVERY GREAT MAN
THERE’S A GREAT WOMAN.
I WANT TO TRY TO GIVE
THIS ANGER PROBLEM A NAME.

MM-HMM.
HELP ME OUT.
GIVE ME THE MEDICAL
DEFINITION

OF THE WORD “SYNDROME.”
WELL, IN PSYCHOLOGICAL
TERMS,
A SYNDROME IS A REPEATED
PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR.
WHEN THEY COME
INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP
THEY ALMOST LOOK
FOR THE BROTHER
TO MAKE MISTAKES
AND DO THINGS WRONG
WITHOUT GIVING THEM
A FAIR, OPEN,
HONEST OPPORTUNITY.
I DON’T KNOW IF I WANT
TO GO THROUGH THAT
EVERY DAY–
YOU KNOW, COMING HOME…
BICKERING, ARGUING.
IF YOU JUST
SHUT UP SOMETIMES,
YOU KNOW, SHIT WOULD
GO YOUR WAY.
PRETTY MUCH.
I MEAN, ME PERSONALLY,
I CAN’T DEAL
WITH THE WHOLE
ARGUING ISSUE.
I THINK BIBLE SAID,
“MAN SHOULD RATHER BE
IN THE DESERT
DYING OF THIRST
ON A HOT TIN ROOF
THAN BEING AROUND
A NAGGING WOMAN.”
YOU EVER HAD
AN ANGRY BLACK WOMAN?

I THINK ALL OF US HAVE–
ANY MAN THAT’S DEALT
WITH A BLACK WOMAN,
HAS DEALT WITH SOME KIND
OF AN ANGRY BLACK WOMAN.
SO THEY CAN’T LOOK
AT THIS MOVIE AND SAY
IT AIN’T REAL.

THEY SHOULDN’T LOOK AT IT
AND SAY IT ISN’T REAL.
IT’S AN ISSUE.
IT’S A REAL ISSUE.
YOU EVER HAD AN EXPERIENCE
WITH AN ANGRY BLACK WOMAN?

OH, YEAH.
WHAT HAPPENED?
TALK ABOUT IT.

– WHO, ME? MAN…
WHAT’D SHE DO TO YOU?
WHICH ONE?
WHAT YEAR?
I UNDERSTAND THAT
THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT,

BUT YOU THINK THERE’S SOME
ANGER IN BLACK WOMEN?
– OF COURSE.
THERE ARE SOME THINGS
WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH
OURSELVES,
INTERNALLY, THAT WE
HAVEN’T DEALT WITH.
SO WE LASH OUT.
AND AS A BLACK WOMAN,
I KNOW THERE ARE A LOT
OF ANGRY BLACK WOMEN,
‘CAUSE SOME OF THEM
ARE MY FRIENDS.
SO IN THAT RESPECT,
I THINK WE REALLY NEED
TO LOOK AT OURSELVES.
AND I THINK
THAT’S SOMETHING
THAT WE’RE NOT DOING.
AND UNTIL WE DO THAT,
THEN WE CAN DEAL
WITH THE ISSUES OF
WHAT’S GOING ON
WITH THE BLACK FAMILY,
PERIOD;
WHY OUR RELATIONSHIPS
DON’T WORK; AND THINGS
OF THAT NATURE.
I WAS BORN AND RAISED
TO BE STRONG
AND TO BE HARD.
AND THAT’S JUST HOW WE–
MOST OF US WERE BROUGHT UP.
DO SOME OF YOUR SISTERS
MAKE A LITTLE TOO MUCH
DRAMA SOMETIMES?

YES, THEY DO.
THEY MAKE DRAMA FOR US,
COME ON.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD
AN ANGRY BLACK WOMAN?

ALL THE TIME.
ALL THE TIME.
ME?
I’M VERY STRONG.
I’M AGGRESSIVE.
EITHER YOU CAN HANDLE ME
OR YOU CAN’T.
OKAY, SO THE PATTERN
THAT’S BEING REPEATED HERE

IS THE ANGER FROM
PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS

THAT THEY KEEP DEPOSITING
ON CURRENT RELATIONSHIPS,
RIGHT?

WHICH LEADS
TO AN INABILITY
TO FIND FULFILLMENT
IN THEIR CURRENT
RELATIONSHIP.
WELL, NOT EVERY SINGLE
BLACK WOMAN
WALKING THE FACE OF THIS EARTH
IS ANGRY.
THERE ARE PLENTY
OF SWEET, SUGARY, SYRUPY
SISTERS THAT I KNOW
THAT BROTHERS
DON’T WANT.
WHY DO YOU FEEL
THAT THAT’S SUCH A STRONG

ATTRIBUTE OF A WOMAN–
TO BE ABLE TO GIVE
HER MAN GRIEF?

CAN’T THE MAN
GET SOME PEACE?

THE MAN CAN GET PEACE
WHEN HE TAKES CARE
OF BUSINESS.
HE IS TAKING CARE
OF BUSINESS.

I MEAN, IF TAKING CARE
OF BUSINESS IS HAVING SEX,
PUTTING THE ROOF
OVER SOMEBODY– THAT’S NICE.
THAT’S THE FUNDAMENTALS.
BUT A RELATIONSHIP
IS A RELATIONSHIP,
I DON’T CARE WHO’S IN IT.
IF YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP
WITH YOUR WOMAN
AND YOU AIN’T DOING
THINGS RIGHT–
YOU COULD
COME HOME FROM WORK TIRED
AND SHE SAYS SOMETHING–
I MEAN, TRUTHFULLY
SOMETIMES A WOMAN
CAN, LIKE, WAIT FOR THINGS
AND SOMETIMES–
YOU GOT A MAN?
YOU GOT A MAN?

– IF YOU WANT TO ENTER
A RELATIONSHIP–
DO YOU HAVE A MAN?
– YES YES, AND HE’S STRONG.
IS HE HAPPY?
YES YES YES YES.
HE’S HAPPY, HE’S STRONG.
WHERE IS HE AT?
LET ME TALK TO HIM.

HE AIN’T HERE.
I’M WITH MY GIRLS.
WHY HE HERE?
I WANT TO TALK TO HIM.
I WANT TO SEE
IF HE’S HAPPY.

– BUT SERIOUSLY–
AND HE’S STRONG.
YOU TREAT HIM NICE?
WHEN WE ARGUE,
WE TALK ABOUT IT.
YOU TREAT HIM NICE?
I TREAT HIM LIKE MOST
BLACK WOMEN TREAT
THEIR MEN– GOOD.
SO THEN WOULD IT
BE SAFE

TO CALL THIS
REPEATED ANGER ISSUE

THE ANGRY BLACK WOMAN
SYNDROME?

I GUESS YOU COULD
GET AWAY WITH THAT.
WHY IS A BLACK WOMAN
SO STRONG?

WHAT’S THIS STRENGTH
THAT INTIMIDATES A MAN?

WHY DO BLACK WOMEN HAVE
THIS SPECIAL POSITION

WHERE THEY
INTIMIDATE MEN?

‘CAUSE WE ACTUALLY
HAVE THE POWER.
I THINK WE HAVE THE POWER,
THE KNOWLEDGE
AND, HMM, THE–
HOW CAN I SAY THIS?
LIKE, THE STRENGTH
TO CARRY A COMMITMENT
IF WE WANTED TO
AND ALLOW US
TO TALK TO THEM LIKE,
YOU KNOW, THEY DESERVE
TO BE TALKED TO.
I JUST THINK
THAT A LOT OF BLACK MEN
DON’T UNDERSTAND WHERE
A LOT OF BLACK WOMEN
TRY TO COME
INTO THEIR LIFE
AND TRY TO CHANGE THEM.
BUT WE DON’T TRY
TO CHANGE THEM.
WE JUST TRY TO MAKE THEM
BETTER FOR US.
AND THAT’S HOW I THINK
THAT WE MAKE THE BLACK MEN
TRY TO BE STRONG.
AND I JUST THINK
THAT WOMEN GOT A LOT
TO GO FOR US.
YEAH–
‘CAUSE WE ACTUALLY
HAVE THE POWER.
I THINK WE HAVE THE POWER,
THE KNOWLEDGE
AND, HMM, THE–
HOW CAN I SAY THIS?
LIKE, THE STRENGTH
TO CARRY A COMMITMENT
IF WE WANTED TO
AND ALLOW US
TO TALK TO THEM LIKE,
YOU KNOW, THEY DESERVE
TO BE TALKED TO.
I JUST THINK
THAT A LOT OF BLACK MEN
DON’T UNDERSTAND WHERE
A LOT OF BLACK WOMEN
TRY TO COME
INTO THEIR LIFE
AND TRY TO CHANGE THEM.
BUT WE DON’T TRY
TO CHANGE THEM.
WE JUST TRY TO MAKE THEM
BETTER FOR US.
AND THAT’S HOW I THINK
THAT WE MAKE THE BLACK MEN
TRY TO BE STRONG.
AND I JUST THINK
THAT WOMEN GOT A LOT
TO GO FOR US.
YEAH–
IT REALLY HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH A BLACK MAN.
IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO
WITH THEIR INCOMPETENCE
TO BE A WOMAN.
THAT’S IT.
IF YOU WANT YOUR MAN
TO BE A CERTAIN WAY
DON’T GET ON HIS NERVES.
BECOME THE BEST PERSON
YOU CAN BE.
YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.
AND PERSONALLY,
I’VE EXPERIENCED THAT
FROM A WOMAN, YOU KNOW.
THEY JUST–
AGAIN, THEY WANT
TO POINT THE FINGER.
THEY DON’T REALLY
LOOK AT THEMSELVES.
AND FOR ME PERSONALLY,
I FIND OUT THAT FOR ME
THE BEST WAY TO GET RESULTS
OUT OF A SITUATION
THAT I’M IN
IS FOR ME
TO JUST NOT WORRY
ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON.
I ONLY HAVE CONTROL
OVER WHAT I DO.
WELL, I THINK HE’S RIGHT.
UM…
I THINK WE SPEND
TOO MUCH TIME
DISCOURAGING
AND PUTTING DOWN
BLACK MEN.
SO WE HAVE TO LEARN,
TO THINK ABOUT,
WHAT ARE WE PUTTING
INTO THESE CHILDREN’S
SPIRITS
THAT THEY GONNA
GROW UP WITH AND
ACT OUT AS ADULTS?
ARE WE PROGRAMMING THEM
TO BE LITTLE
DRAMA QUEENS AND KINGS?
SO WE HAVE TO TAKE
A LOT OF RESPONSIBILITY
FOR WHAT OUR ROLE IS
IN MAKING THE NEXT GENERATION
OF TIRED PEOPLE.
LISTEN, TONYA,
WE HAD THESE PLANS
FOR ALMOST TWO WEEKS.
I DON’T CARE.
I TOLD YOU I DIDN’T
WANT TO GO ANYWAY.
WE CAN’T DISAPPOINT
THE KIDS.
JAMES, YOU’RE SO STUPID.
JUST SHUT UP AND DRIVE.
YOU’RE STUPID.
SHUT UP.
AS A WOMAN,
SOMETIMES WE DO KIND OF
OVERSTEP OUR BOUNDARIES
AND WE TAKE AWAY
WHAT THAT MAN NEEDS
TO BE THAT MAN.
DO YOU MAKE THAT MISTAKE
SOMETIMES NOW?

YEAH, OF COURSE.
SOMETIMES I DO.
TELL ON YOURSELF.
WHAT DO YOU DO?

DO YOU GUYS THINK
BLACK WOMEN KICK
A LOT OF DRAMA?

– YES.
– I THINK–
– YES.
– YEAH, WE DO.
DO YOU FEEL LIKE
BLACK WOMEN HAVE
AN ANGER ISSUE

WHERE THEY BRING
TOO MUCH ANGER

AND DEPOSIT THAT
ON THE NEW MAN

OR THE GOOD MAN?
I THINK THAT’S JUST
A HUMAN ISSUE.
I MEAN, WOMEN WHO
HAVE BEEN IN RELATIONSHIPS
AND THEY’VE BEEN
SCARRED BEFORE–
THEY TAKE THAT
INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP,
JUST LIKE MEN.
MEN DO IT TOO.
EVEN IN THEIR CHILDHOOD
IF THEY’VE SEEN, YOU KNOW,
DADDY USED TO BEAT MAMA,
THEY MIGHT GROW UP–
THEY CAN EITHER MAKE
THE DECISION TO,
“I’M NOT GONNA DO THIS
TO MY WIFE OR MY
GIRLFRIEND;
I WANT TO BREAK
THE CYCLE,”
OR IF MEN ARE WEAK,
THEN THEY’RE
GONNA GO AHEAD
AND DO THE SAME THING
‘CAUSE THAT’S WHAT
THEY’RE USED TO.
IT’S A CERTAIN LEVEL
OF COMFORT FOR THEM.
IT’S JUST LIKE
WITH WOMEN TOO.
A CERTAIN LEVEL OF COMFORT
COMES FROM REPEATING
THE CYCLES
AND EVERYTHING
THAT YOU’RE USED TO.
WHAT SHOULD THE WOMEN KNOW?
THEY THINK IT’S ALL US.

THEY THINK THAT WE’RE THE ONLY
PROBLEM IN A RELATIONSHIP.

WE NEED PEACE.
THAT’S ALL WE NEED.
WE NEED PEACE.
WE NEED THE RESPECT.
WE NEED UNDERSTANDING
JUST LIKE Y’ALL DO.
THAT’S WHAT THEY NEED TO KNOW.
IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT
MAKING YOU HAPPY.
YOU KNOW, WE MAKE
EACH OTHER HAPPY.
AND WE HAVE TO HONOR
WHAT EACH OTHER WANTS
IN A RELATIONSHIP.
THAT’S WHAT WOMEN
NEED TO KNOW.
I JUST CAME FOR
THE LEARNING EXPERIENCE.
IT WAS A
LOVE-AND-RELATIONSHIPS FORUM
AND I WANTED TO KNOW
WHAT I CAN DO
TO BETTER MYSELF,
TO BETTER MY RELATIONSHIP,
SO THAT I DON’T
NECESSARILY REPEAT
THE CYCLE
OF BAD DECISIONS
AND BAD CHOICES
THAT I’VE SEEN
PEOPLE MAKE.
I’M NOT NECESSARILY
THE TYPE OF PERSON
THAT’S COME FROM
A TWO-PARENT HOUSEHOLD,
BUT I DON’T WANT
TO REPEAT THE SAME CYCLE
THAT MY MOM MADE
OR THE MISTAKES
THAT MY DAD MADE.
I WANT TO DO BETTER.
DO YOU THINK
BLACK WOMEN HAVE
AN ANGER ISSUE?

DEFINITELY.
SOME, NOT ALL.
DO YOU THINK IF THEY WERE
AWARE OF IT,

MAYBE THEY COULD WORK
A LITTLE HARDER
TO CONTROL IT?

THEY ALL SAY,
“I’M NOT ANGRY.”

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
SEE, THAT’S THE PRIDE
IN EVERY WOMAN,
WHETHER WHITE, BLACK,
OR I DON’T CARE
WHAT YOUR BACKGROUND IS.
IT’S THE PRIDE ISSUE.
THEY KNOW THEY HAVE
A PROBLEM,
BUT AT THE SAME TIME
THEY DON’T WANT
TO SEEK HELP.
YOU HAVE TO SEEK HELP.
WOMEN NEED TO GO SEE
SOMEBODY WHO CAN
HELP THEM,
WHETHER IT BE A PASTOR,
ANOTHER WOMAN WHO’S
BEEN THROUGH IT–
WHATEVER IT MAY BE.
THEY JUST NEED TO GO
SEEK HELP.
AND BLACK WOMEN
DON’T DO THAT
ON A PROFESSIONAL LEVEL,
I’M SORRY.
–JUST TELL ME TO BE QUIET?
DID YOU J–?
IS THAT WHAT I HEARD?
WE DON’T NEED TO GO THERE
TODAY, TONYA.

IT’S SUNDAY.
LET’S GO TO CHURCH.

OH, NO NO NO, BABY,
WE’RE GOING THERE.
WE ARE GOING THERE.
TAKE ME HOME.
WE AIN’T GOING
TO CHURCH TODAY.
IT’S THE THIRD SUNDAY
YOU MADE ME LATE
FOR CHURCH ARGUING.
LOOK, NOW THE LOT’S FULL.
THERE’S NO PARKING PLACE.
I DIDN’T WANT
TO BE HERE ANYWAY.
AND YOU REALLY DON’T WANT ME
GOING UP IN THE CHURCH
WITH YOU THIS LATE.
– I’M SPEAKING IN 10 MINUTES.
– I DON’T CARE.
TAKE ME HOME.
WELL, SISTER MERIWETHER,
DON’T LOOK LIKE HE’S GONNA
SHOW UP THIS MORNING,
SO YOU CAN BRING
THE WORD.
WELL, PASTOR,
I BELIEVE I HAVE A WORD.
( applause, cheering )
THE LORD SAID
IT WAS NOT GOOD
FOR A MAN TO BE ALONE.
WELL, A HUSBAND NEEDS
TO HAVE THE PATIENCE
OF JOB.
HE NEEDS TO LOVE
HIS WIFE
AS CHRIST LOVES
THE CHURCH.
SISTERS,
CAN I GET “AMEN”?
CAN I GET
A “HALLELUJAH”?

CAN I GET
A “THANK YOU, JESUS”?
THEY MIGHT HAVE TO PRAY
SOMETIMES,
BUT THEY’VE GOT TO HAVE
JUST A LITTLE BIT
OF PATIENCE.
THANK YOU, LORD.
SOMETIMES YOU MIGHT HAVE TO
GO THROUGH SOME TIMES.
( door opens
and closes )
TONYA.
TONYA.
LENA.
TONYA, IT’S 11:00.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
I WAS WORRIED.
DON’T QUESTION ME
ABOUT WHERE I’VE BEEN.
I DON’T ANSWER TO YOU.
MAYBE LENA DOES
SOMETIMES,
BUT I’M A GROWN WOMAN.
I DON’T HAVE TO.
COME ON, LENA,
LET MOMMY TAKE YOU
TO BED.
ONCE YOU SAY, “I DO,”
THE RELATIONSHIP CHANGES
BECAUSE THEY KNOW UNCLE SAM
IS BEHIND THEM 100%.
MOST WOMEN DO NOT WANT
THEIR KNIGHT IN
SHINING ARMOR.
THEY DON’T.
THEY TELL YOU THE TYPE
OF MAN THEY WANT–
THEY’LL NEVER PICK ‘EM,
BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHY?
THERE’S NO FIGHT
WITH THAT MAN.
SHE CAN’T CHANGE HIM.
ALL WOMEN NEED
A CHALLENGE.
IT’S JUST THAT
DIFFERENT WOMEN USE
DIFFERENT METHODS
HOW TO CHANGE
THEIR MEN.
AND I’M NOT GONNA SAY
THERE ARE A LOT
OF GOOD MEN.
THERE’S NOT.
THERE’S A LOT OF REALLY
SUCKY GUYS OUT THERE.
– ( one person applauds )
– BUT WE ALREADY KNOW THAT.
WE KNOW THERE ARE A LOT
OF REALLY RAGGEDY MEN.

THIS IS ABOUT
WHEN YOU DO FIND
A GOOD ONE,
DON’T RUN HIM AWAY
BECAUSE OF YOUR
PAST PAIN.
THERE’S NO GOOD
BLACK MEN OUT THERE.
THERE’S NO GOOD
BLACK MEN?

I HAVEN’T FOUND ANY.
AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMEN
ARE INDEPENDENT.
AND BECAUSE OF THAT
IT’S LIKE–
THEY ARE–
THEY ARE–
THEY DON’T SUBMIT
THEMSELVES TO THE MEN
LIKE AFRICAN WOMEN,
YOU KNOW?
MOST AFRICAN WOMEN
SUBMIT THEMSELVES
TO THEIR HUSBANDS
AND HAVE LESS ISSUES THAN
AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMEN.
SO AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMEN
FIGHT?

OH, YEAH,
A LOT OF TIMES,
YOU KNOW?
MOST OF THEM
GOT ISSUES.
OH, REALLY?
WHAT ARE THEIR ISSUES?
ARE THEY ANGRY?

THEY GET TOO ANGRY.
I MEAN…
( chuckles )
TOO MUCH PROBLEM.
THAT’S WHY WE HAVE
A LOT OF SINGLE WOMEN,
YOU KNOW?
LIKE, WHEN I WAS WORKING
AT A WAREHOUSE
I USED TO HAVE
SOME FRIENDS.
I ASKED THEM,
“WHO RAISED YOU?”
AND OUT OF 20,
18 OF THEM
WERE RAISED BY THEIR MOMS
BECAUSE OF PROBLEMS,
YOU KNOW?
THEY CAN’T, YOU KNOW,
STAY WITH A MAN, MARRY
AND THEN RAISE
KIDS TOGETHER.
IT’S NOT LIKE
BACK HOME.
SO MOST AFRICAN FAMILIES–
THEY DO A BETTER JOB

AT STAYING TOGETHER
THAN AFRICAN-AMERICAN
FAMILIES?

OH, YES.
YOU KNOW, IT TAKES
TWO PEOPLE TO RAISE KIDS.
I THINK THAT’S
THE MAIN REASON
WHY WE HAVE
A LOT OF THESE KIDS
HAVING PROBLEMS–
BECAUSE MOST OF THE TIME
THEY WERE RAISED
BY THEIR MOMS.
IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE
TO RAISE KIDS.
YOU KNOW, THAT’S WHY
A LOT OF BLACK AMERICANS
HAVE PROBLEMS,
LIKE A LOT OF THEM ARE
ON PROBATION,
IN JAIL AND ALL THAT.
THEY’RE JUST MAD
‘CAUSE THEY CAN’T
GET THEIR WAY.
FEMALES IS– YOU KNOW,
THEY’RE EMOTIONAL.
IT’S LIKE A FEMALE
WOULD SAY,
“WELL, I DON’T FEEL
LIKE DOING SOMETHING.”
IT AIN’T ABOUT WHAT
YOU FEEL LIKE DOING.
THERE’S A LOT OF SHIT
I DON’T FEEL LIKE DOING,
BUT YOU GOTTA GO OUT HERE
AND DO THAT SHIT.
I WATCHED MY DADDY
GO FROM A STRONG,
STRONG BLACK MAN
TO A TIRED MOTHERFUCKER
IN THE HOUSE.
THAT’S A CONSTANT
JOURNEY.
MY MOTHER WHUPPED HIM
TO THE FLOOR.
BY THE TIME MY FATHER
DIED, HE’S LIKE,
“THIS BITCH DONE HALFWAY
KILLED ME.”
WOMEN WILL
WEAR YOUR ASS OUT
ONCE THEY GET MAD.
BUT THAT’S THEIR JOURNEY.
THAT’S THEIR JOURNEY.
I WILL
TAKE THAT BACK–
THEY SAY
THEY WANT THAT MAN,
BUT THEN IT’S
THAT WHOLE CONCEPT
OF BREAKING HIM DOWN.
WOMEN ALWAYS ASK YOU,
“WHY YOU DON’T CRY?”
“‘CAUSE I DON’T
WANT TO CRY.”
“YOU SHOULD CRY.”
BUT IF YOU START CRYING,
THEN YOU’S A BITCH.
– YEAH, YOU’RE A BITCH.
– YEAH, DON’T CRY TOO MUCH,
‘CAUSE THEN YOU’RE A BITCH.
YOU CAN’T CRY OVER–
I REMEMBER
MY BOY’S WIFE DIED,
AND SHE WAS MY FRIEND.
I STARTED CRYING.
MY WOMAN LIKE,
“WHAT’RE YOU CRYING FOR?”
BITCH, I GOT FEELINGS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING?
THEY DON’T WANT
NOBODY WITH FEELINGS.
WOMEN DON’T KNOW
WHAT THEY WANT
IN A RELATIONSHIP.
– RIGHT, IT’S
A DELICATE BALANCE.
THEY WANT A THUG.
NO, THEY WANT A THUG,
BUT THEY ALSO WANT
A SENSITIVE NIGGA.
THEY DON’T
WANT YOU TO HIT ‘EM,
BUT THEY STILL WANT
TO FEEL LIKE
YOU’RE GONNA HIT ‘EM.
‘CAUSE SOMETIMES THEY SAY SHIT
JUST TO GET YOU
FUCKING FIRED UP.
THEY SAY,
“WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
ARE YOU GONNA HIT ME?”

THIS IS ALL YOU CAN
REALLY DO TO A WOMAN.
THAT’S IT.
THAT’S IT.
YOU EVER HAVE A WOMAN
CALL THE COPS ON YOU?
AND THEN THEY SAY,
“GET THAT HAND OUT OF
MY FACE, NIGGA.”

ANYBODY– YOU EVER
HAVE A WOMAN CALL
THE COPS ON YOU?
– YEAH, YOU HAVE, A LOT.
– I’VE HAD–
HE JUST SAID
EXACTLY WHAT MOST
BLACK MEN FEEL,
WHICH IS
THEY’RE TIRED
OF THE STUFF
THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH
WHEN THEY GET HOME
WITH THEIR WOMAN.
IT’S TOUGH ENOUGH
AS IT IS TO BE
A BLACK MAN
AND WORK
IN A REAL WORLD,
ALL RIGHT?
AND YOU’RE SITTING THERE,
YOU’RE TRYING TO SUPPORT
YOUR FAMILY.
THE LAST THING YOU WANT
IS TO GO HOME
AND GET MORE STRESS
OVER THIS THING.
MOST BLACK MEN JUST WANT
SOME PEACE OF MIND.
THAT’S ALL THEY WANT.
THEY WANT TO BE ABLE
TO GO HOME
KNOWING THAT
THEIR WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND,
WHOEVER IT MAY BE
SITTING THERE
WAITING FOR THEM,
IS GONNA HELP THEM
GET THROUGH
THE REST OF THE EVENING
STRESS-FREE.
BUT AS SOON AS
THEY LEAVE WORK,
THEY KNOW
THAT THEY’RE ABOUT
TO GO TO THE NEXT STRESS–
THEIR GIRL.
AND THAT’S THE WORST
THING POSSIBLE FOR A MAN.
YOU GET TIRED OF IT.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
YOU MOVE ON.
THAT’S ALL WE WANT–
WE JUST WANT PEACE
OF MIND.
SO WHAT’S THE BIGGEST
MISTAKE WOMEN MAKE

WHEN THEY HAVE A GOOD MAN?
WHAT’S THE NUMBER-ONE THING

THAT THEY DO
TO MESS IT ALL UP?

THEY DON’T NOTICE IT.
THEY GET BORED.
AND, YOU KNOW,
I TELL PEOPLE
ALL THE TIME
I’M A MARRIED
INDIVIDUAL.
AND EVEN–
A RELATIONSHIP
TAKES WORK.
AND IF YOU FEEL
LIKE IT’S GONNA BE EASY
AND IT’S JUST GONNA WORK,
YOU KNOW, WITH JUST–
HAPPENSTANCE
IS GONNA MAKE IT,
THEN YOU’RE SETTING
YOURSELF UP FOR FAILURE.
SO IF YOU LEARN
HOW TO WORK WITH SOMEONE–
IF THIS PERSON
IS BEATING YOU UP,
YOU CAN’T WORK
WITH THAT.
NO NO.
BUT IF A MAN HAS
THE MINIMUM BASICS,
YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING–
HE TREATS YOU RIGHT,
HE RESPECTS YOU–
YOU CAN WORK AROUND
SOME THINGS TO TRY
TO COMPROMISE.
SO THE BIGGEST MISTAKE,
TO ME,
THAT SOME FEMALES MAKE
IS THAT THEY DON’T NOTICE
WHAT THEY HAVE
IN FRONT OF THEM
AND THEY DON’T
TAKE THE TIME
TO LEARN WHO THEY HAVE
IN FRONT OF THEM.
IF YOU’RE BEING
A REAL BLACK MAN,
YOU WILL GET TIRED.
A REAL BLACK MAN WILL GET TIRED
OF THE DRAMA QUEENS.
YEAH YEAH.
GIRL, I GOT THIS THING I DO
WHENEVER I WANT TO GET
UNDER HIS SKIN–
I TELL HIM,
“TAKE ME HOME.”
YOU REALLY DO
THAT CRAP?
– I SURE DO.
– I MIGHT WANT
TO TRY THAT THEN.
OH, GIRL, YOU MIGHT NOT
WANT TO DO THAT.
YOUR MAN MIGHT HIT YOU
IN YOUR EYE AGAIN.
BUT I CONTROL MY MAN.
( laughing )
HEY.
YOU DON’T HAVE
NO CONSCIENCE, DO YOU?
NO, HUH-UH.
WHY?
JAMES IS A GOOD GUY.
WHY? BECAUSE HE DOESN’T
BEAT ON ME?
THAT’S ‘CAUSE
HE’S A PUNK.
SOME OF US WANT
A GUY LIKE JAMES
BECAUSE THEY
DON’T BEAT US.
MM, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY
LET GO OF THE ONE
YOU GOT, SWEETIE.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO TRY
AND BE A LITTLE BIT MORE
SUBMISSIVE SOMETIMES.
SUB-WHAT?
– YOU HEARD ME.
I WILL SUBMIT
TO A PEDICURE
AND THAT’S ABOUT IT.

( laughing, clapping )
SUB-WHAT?
SUB-WHO?
THANK YOU, GIRL.
SUBMISSIVE?
OKAY.
YOU’RE ONLY GONNA HAVE
PROBLEMS IN THE LONG RUN,
I’M TELLING YOU.
HEY, THERE’S MORE
FISH IN THE SEA.
THAT’S THE WAY I SEE IT.

LIKE THE PROBLEMS
SHE’S HAVING NOW?

– FEEL ME?
I FEEL YOU.
THANK YOU.
( snaps finger )
HELLO, LADIES.
HI.
( women laughing )
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY GET
IN A GROUP LIKE THAT,
THEY’RE IMPOSSIBLE
TO DEAL WITH.
‘CAUSE THEY ALL
GANG UP ON YOU THEN.
THEY AIN’T GOT NO MEN.
THEY’RE JUST ANGRY.
YOU GOT THESE WOMEN
IN HERE
PREJUDGING, GOT ALL THESE
PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS,
AND YOU’RE SITTING
ON MY SHIT,
ON MY FURNITURE.
YOU’RE IN MY CRIB.
IT WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ME.
MAN, PLEASE.
IT WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ME.
I’D HAVE BEEN SMACKING
MOTHERFUCKERS
AND ALL KINDS OF SHIT.
FOR REAL.
I WOULD LIKE, “WHAT?”
THAT’S A TIRED BLACK MAN
RIGHT THERE.
I THINK THE PROBLEM IS
A LOT OF THE TIMES,
YOU KNOW,
FEMALES–
THEY GET TOGETHER
AND WANT TO TALK ABOUT
WHAT THEIR MAN
SHOULD BE DOING
OR WHAT THEIR GIRL’S
MAN SHOULD BE DOING,
BUT AT THE SAME TIME
THEY’RE NOT GETTING IT.
OR THEY’RE NOT
COMMUNICATING.

SAYING,
“HE SHOULD BE DOING THIS,
HE SHOULD BE DOING THAT.”
YOUR MAN
AIN’T EVEN DOING THAT,
SO HOW’RE YOU GONNA TELL HER
HER MAN SHOULD BE
DOING THAT?
YOU BOUGHT THE HOUSE.
THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT YOU
IN THE HOUSE.
CAN YOU RELATE
TO THAT TYPE OF STORY?
– I CAN TOTALLY RELATE
TO THAT STORY.
– REALLY?
WOMAN TALK TOO MUCH,
SITTING THERE WITH
THEIR GIRLFRIENDS.
AND MISERY LOVES COMPANY.
NONE OF THEM HAD A MAN,
SO THEY CAN ALL MALE-BASH.
I THINK IF WE
STOP MALE-BASHING,
WE MIGHT BE OKAY.
THERE’S A LOT OF ANGER
WITH THE BLACK WOMEN.
THERE DEFINITELY IS.
ESPECIALLY NOW THERE ARE
SO MANY DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES
THAT I DON’T THINK
A BLACK WOMAN
REALLY KNOWS HOW TO BE
A GOOD WOMAN, A WIFE,
BECAUSE THEY ARE NO LONGER
IN A TRADITIONAL FAMILY.
THEY ARE IN A SINGLE-PARENT
HOME. THEY DON’T HAVE
A A MALE ROLE MODEL
TO LOOK UP TO.
THEY DON’T KNOW
HOW A WIFE
IS SUPPOSED TO INTERACT
WITH HER HUSBAND.
THAT’S AN INTERESTING POINT.
SO ESSENTIALLY YOU’RE SAYING,

“HOW CAN YOU BE A GOOD WIFE
IF YOU’VE NEVER SEEN ONE?”

– EXACTLY.
AND TODAY’S
YOUNG BLACK WOMEN
YOU FEEL LIKE ARE LACKING
IN ANY AWARENESS

OF WHAT A FAMILY BALANCE
IS SUPPOSED TO BE.

THEY ARE LACKING.
AND THAT’S WHY IT’S
VERY IMPORTANT,
EVEN IF YOU’RE
MAMA’S BABY’S DADDY,
YOU STILL–
IT’S VERY IMPORTANT
TO STILL BE A PART
OF THAT YOUNG GIRL’S LIFE.
BECAUSE WOMEN–
GIRLS WILL GO OUT
IN SEARCH FOR LOVE
THAT THEY DID NOT RECEIVE
FROM THEIR FATHERS.
IF THEIR FATHERS,
NO MATTER WHAT TYPE
OF RELATIONSHIP
YOU HAVE WITH YOUR
BABY’S MOTHER,
YOU STILL
NEED TO BE THERE
FOR THAT DAUGHTER,
BECAUSE THAT DAUGHTER
NEEDS THE LOVE
OF HER FATHER
TO SHOW HER
HOW TO FEEL REAL LOVE.
AND THEN SHE WON’T
GO OUT SEARCHING
FOR LOVE
THAT’S UNHEALTHY FOR HER.
I HAVE A DEGREE
IN PSYCHOLOGY.
THEY ACTUALLY DON’T KNOW
WHAT THEY WANT
OR HOW TO LOOK
FOR A GOOD MAN.
THEY LOOK FOR EVERYTHING
THAT’S EXTERIOR ABOUT HIM–
HIS FANCY CARS,
HIS JEWELS,
THE MONEY HE MAY SPEND
ON THEM,
BUT NOT THE KNOWLEDGE
AND THE HEART.
THEY GOT THEIR PRIORITIES
MESSED UP.

THEY’RE LOOKING FOR JAY-Z.
THEY’RE LOOKING FOR THE WRONG–
50 CENT.
THEY’RE LOOKING
FOR THE WRONG PEOPLE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING?
OF COURSE WE’RE NOT
AS RICH AS THEM PEOPLE.
WE’RE NOT AS BLING
AS THEM PEOPLE,
BUT MY GOAL IN LIFE
IS TO BE BETTER THAN THEM–
INTELLECTUAL, KNOWLEDGEABLE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING?
EVERYTHING,
WELL-ROUNDED.
I DO KNOW THAT THEY DON’T
SEEM TO KNOW
HOW TO LOOK
FOR A TRUE MAN.
SO WHAT YOU’RE SAYING IS,
ONE REASON THEY’RE PROBABLY
FRUSTRATED–

THEY PICKED THE WRONG MAN
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

THEY PICKED THE WRONG MAN.
THEY PICKED THE SHORT-TERM MAN.
BECAUSE THEY WANT
THE BAD BOY.

YEAH, THEY WANT
THE BAD BOY TO TAKE THEM
ALL UP AND DOWN 5th AVE,
SPEND MONEY ON THEM.
AND THAT’S SHORT-TERM,
YOU KNOW.
I THINK PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE
STEPPED AWAY FROM GOD
AND KNOWING EXACTLY
THE NATURAL ROLES
AND THE POSITIONING–
YOU KNOW,
RESPECTING EACH OTHER
AS MEN AND WOMEN
AND NATURAL ROLES.
NOT TO SAY–
AND I’M A CHRISTIAN,
SO I’M COMING FROM
A CHRISTIAN
POINT OF VIEW.
BEFORE ADAM WAS CREATED
HE SPENT A LOT OF TIME
WITH GOD.
AND GOD GAVE HIM–
ADAM– WORK TO DO.
AND AFTER THAT WORK
WAS, YOU KNOW,
ASSIGNED TO ADAM,
HE BLESSED HIM
WITH A WIFE.
AND THAT WIFE WAS THERE
TO SUPPORT ADAM
THROUGH HIS TRIALS,
TRIBULATIONS AND WORK.
AND WHEN BLACK WOMEN
DO STICK BY BLACK MEN,
MANY TIMES THEY LOVE
WHEN WE FAIL–
TO MAKE FUN OF US.
THEY’LL TALK ABOUT US
TO THEIR FRIENDS.
VERY SELDOM DO YOU SEE
A BLACK WOMAN–
IF SHE DOES HELP YOU,
THE MINUTE THAT
SHE BECOMES ANGRY,
WHAT IS SHE GONNA DO?
SHE’S GONNA GO
TELL ALL HER FRIENDS
WHAT SHE DID FOR YOU,
HOW MUCH AND HOW LONG
AND WHY.
AND WHEN YOU GET THROUGH
LISTENING TO THIS,
WHAT YOU’RE GONNA END UP
HAVING IS EMBITTEREDNESS.
AND SEE, WHEN A WOMAN–
ONE THING ABOUT A WOMAN–
ONE THING
ABOUT A WOMAN–
WHEN SHE TALKS BAD TO YOU
TO OTHER WOMEN,
IT TRAVELS
AT A MILLION MILES AN HOUR.
SHE CAN GO
TO ANOTHER PLANET
AND TALK BAD ABOUT YOU
TO ALIENS
AND IT WILL GET BACK
TO ALL THE OTHER ALIENS
AND THEN EVENTUALLY
GET BACK TO EARTH
THAT YOU ARE A BAD,
MISERABLE,
DECREPIT, POOR, WEAK,
POOR EXCUSE FOR A MAN.
BUT THE MINUTE
THAT WE GET OUR CONTRACT,
WHETHER IT’S
PLAYING FOOTBALL,
WITH MUSIC, ARTS,
OR GET A Ph.D.
OR AN M.D.,
ALL OF A SUDDEN
WE’RE A COMMODITY
THAT’S IN HIGH DEMAND.
I DON’T HAVE PROBLEMS
WITH BLACK WOMEN.
I’VE HAD SOME GREAT
BLACK WOMEN IN MY LIFE
AND I FEEL
VERY BLESSED.
I’VE HAD SOME ROTTEN-ASS
BLACK WOMEN IN MY LIFE,
BUT IT WASN’T ENOUGH
TO TURN ME OFF BLACK WOMEN.
THAT WAS HER ISSUE,
NOT BLACK WOMEN’S ISSUE.
THAT WAS JUST HER ISSUE.
AND WE CAN’T HOLD
A WHOLE RACE OF BLACK WOMEN
ACCOUNTABLE
FOR THE BULLSHIT
THIS ONE BLACK WOMAN
WAS ON.
MAN, THESE WOMEN
BE BLAMING US
FOR EVERYTHING.
MAN, THEY BEAT US UP
IN THE ’90s WITH THEIR MOODS.
( exaggerated sigh )
( laughing )
I’M TELLING YOU, MAN,
MY WIFE BE GIVING ME
THE BLUES
ARGUING EVERY DAY.
ARGUING IS LIKE CRACK
FOR BLACK WOMEN.
THEY KNOW IT’S DESTROYING
THE RELATIONSHIP,
BUT THEY JUST CAN’T
STOP DOING IT.
“OH, HEY, CAN YOU
ARGUE WITH ME?
I’D DO ANYTHING.
OH, I JUST NEED TO ARGUE.
I’LL GIVE YOU HEAD.
I JUST NEED A FIX.
I JUST NEED TO ARGUE.
WE CAN FIGHT
ABOUT THE BILLS.
WE CAN ARGUE ABOUT
EACH OTHER’S MAMAS”–
OH, GOD,
EVERY DAY I COME HOME.
– THAT IS SO TRUE.
– THAT’S TRUE, MAN.
A BROTHER CAN’T GET
THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR
WITHOUT HER POPPING OFF
IN MY EAR ALL THE TIME.
YEAH, LET’S GIVE YOU
SOME DINNER,
GET YOUR ENERGY UP
BEFORE YOU GET STARTED.
YOU WANT TO ARGUE WITH ME?
GIVE ME SOME BUTT.
ARGUE WITH ME
ALL NIGHT LONG.
– OH, I GOTTA
DEAL WITH THIS.
– I’M READY NOW.
I’M READY.
ONE THING WE GOTTA ADD.
ONE THING WE GOTTA ADD.
ANOTHER REASON WHY
SOME BLACK WOMEN,
NOT ALL BLACK WOMEN,
BUT WHY SOME OF THEM
WANT MILLIONAIRE MEN
IS BECAUSE THEY KNOW
THAT IN A DIVORCE
SETTLEMENT…
( laughing )
…THEY CAN GET A PIECE.
IT’S ALMOST LIKE
A TAX RETURN.
YOU CAN GET A PIECE
OF THAT PIE
THAT YOU NEVER EARNED,
THAT YOU NEVER
WORKED FOR.
YOU CAN GET
A PIECE OF IT,
EVEN THOUGH
IT’S NOT YOURS.
YOU CAN TIE KIDS
INTO HIS MONEY
BECAUSE THAT’S WHY–
THAT IS EXACTLY WHY–
THAT IS EXACTLY WHY
THE CHILD-SUPPORT
SYSTEM EXISTS.
IT EXISTS
TO PUT A GREAT DIVIDE
BETWEEN THE BLACK MAN
AND A BLACK WOMAN.
THAT’S WHY.
SHE CAN HAVE
CHILDREN FROM YOU,
AND WHEN THINGS
FALL APART
SHE CAN GET
$2,000 APIECE A MONTH
FOR EACH ONE OF THEM.
IT’S WRONG.
AND ALL THESE WOMEN
THAT ARE OUT THERE
DOING IT
WILL PAY.
YOU WILL PAY DEARLY
FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
AND THE RESULT COULD BE
THAT EVERY BLACK MAN,
EVERY SENSIBLE BLACK MAN
WILL HAVE ON HIS SIDE
A WHITE WOMAN.
( all laughing )
WE’RE ALMOST
LIKE THE DINOSAURS.
WE ARE EXTINCT.
A GOOD BLACK MAN
IS DOING WHAT HE’S
SUPPOSED TO DO.
AND HE ALWAYS GOT TO–
HE’S GOT TO NOT ONLY LOOK OUT
FOR HIS FAMILY,
BUT HE’S GOT TO LOOK OUT
FOR THE NEXT FELLA’S FAMILY.
I’M TIRED BECAUSE
ALL THEIR BABY DADDY
LOCKED UP.
THEY WANT US TO TAKE
CARE OF EVERYTHING,
PAY FOR EVERYTHING
AND ALL THAT– ALL THAT
GETS KINDA TIRED, MAN.
YEAH, SO MATTER
OF FACT, IT MAKES ME MAD
EVEN TALKING ABOUT IT, MAN.
YEAH YEAH, I’M ABOUT DONE
WITH THIS CONVERSATION.
( silence )
Alexander:
HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN
TIRED BEFORE?

– YEAH. YES, SIR.
– YEAH YEAH.
– THAT’S RIGHT.
– Alexander: OF COURSE,
YOU’RE NOT TIRED NOW.

YOU’VE GOT
GOOD GIRLS NOW, RIGHT?

– OH, WELL, OF COURSE.
– YEAH.
Alexander:
DO YOU FEEL LIKE BLACK WOMEN
HAVE A HARD TIME ACCEPTING

THEIR RESPONSIBILITY
FOR WHAT’S WRONG
IN RELATIONSHIPS?

OH, YEAH.
OH, YEAH YEAH.
THEY ALWAYS
BLAME IT BACK ON US.

I WISH SHE’D COME OUT
OF THE STORE NOW.
I CAN SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP
AND I’M GONNA GET THE BLAME.
YOU KNOW, I’M GONNA GET
THE BLAME FOR IT.
HER CHANGE OF ATTITUDE–
I GET THE BLAME FOR THAT.
HER CHANGE OF ATTITUDE,
NOT MY CHANGE.
A REAL BLACK MAN,
HE GO INTO WORK,
HE PROVIDE.
HE CAN’T LEAD
BUT ONE PLACE,
AND THAT’S AT HOME.
IF HE CAN’T LEAD
AT HOME,
IT’S GONNA BE HARD
TO LEAD ANYWHERE ELSE.
AND HE WILL GET TIRED IF
HE GOTTA FIGHT ON THE JOB,
GOTTA FIGHT AT CHURCH,
GOTTA FIGHT
IN THE COMMUNITY.
AND WHEN HE COME HOME,
HE GOTTA FIGHT TOO?
– HE GOTTA FIGHT HER.
YEAH, SO HE’LL BE TIRED.
HE’LL GET TIRED.
AND SO THEREFORE,
YOU KNOW, IF HE DID WHAT
HE SAID HE WAS DOING,
THEN YOU GONNA GET TIRED.
NOW LET ME ADD TO THAT.
THERE’S SOME GOOD BLACKS,
SOME GOOD WHITES,
GOOD EVERYTHING,
SO YOU’VE GOT TO PICK
THE RIGHT ONE TOO.
( all laugh )
– WHOO!
– YOU GUYS ARE
ALL MARRIED.
WHY DO YOU CARRY ON
LIKE THAT?
BECAUSE WE’RE MEN.
I MEAN IF WE CAN GET US
A LITTLE TAIL ON THE SIDE,
THEN THAT’S WHAT WE DO.
AND DON’T TRY TO PRETEND
LIKE YOU AIN’T GOT
A LITTLE ASS ON THE SIDE.
WELL, I HAVEN’T.
AND EVEN GIVEN
THE OPPORTUNITY,
I WOULDN’T.
I RESPECT GOD AND MY WIFE
TOO MUCH TO DO SUCH
A SHAMEFUL THING.
THIS HERE FOREIGN BROTHER’S
ON SOME DIFFERENT STUFF, Y’ALL.
WHY DOES WHERE I COME FROM
HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
MORALS AND STANDARDS ARE
THE SAME ALL OVER THE WORLD.
YOU COMMIT TO A WOMAN,
YOU STICK
BY YOUR COMMITMENT.
DO YOU HEAR
THE BULLSHIT
THAT’S COMING OUT
OF YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW?
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME
THAT IF THERE WAS
A WOMAN STANDING
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU
BUTT-BOOTY-NAKED,
YOU WOULDN’T HIT IT?
NO.
– OH!
– ( chuckles )
– WHO IS THIS FROM?
– IT’S FROM THE LADY
OVER THERE IN THE BOOTH.
ARE YOU SURE
THIS IS FOR ME?
YEAH, I THINK
SHE’S INTERESTED IN YOU.
DAMN.
SHE IS FINE.
DUDE, YOU CAN HIT THAT.
ARE YOU GOING
OVER THERE OR WHAT?
I TOLD YOU
MY POSITION.
I WON’T.
MAYBE SHE’LL
TALK TO ME.
DUDE, YOU STUPID.
WHAT YOUR WIFE
DON’T KNOW
WON’T HURT HER.
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, GUYS.
THAT’S YOUR BOY.
YOU GONNA GET THAT
AND PAY THE BILL?
AND THEN WHEN
YOU WANT TO BE FAITHFUL
AND BE HONEST AND SHIT,
THEY DON’T HEAR THAT.
THAT SHIT GO THROUGH ONE EAR
AND OUT THE OTHER ONE.
ALL RIGHT.
GOT TO PUT YOUR FEET DOWN
AND WE PUT THIS ON YOU.
OKAY. SO NOW YOU’RE GOING
TO WAIT FOR THE EGGS, OKAY?
EGGS ARE COMING.
( whistles )
ALL RIGHT,
THIS IS FOR YOU.
THIS IS FOR YOUR MOMMY.
SHE’S GONNA LOVE IT.
AND THAT’S FOR ME.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT ELSE?
LET ME PUT THAT…
TONYA?
TONYA,
COME HERE, PLEASE.
SHE’S GOING
TO BE SO HAPPY.
WHAT’S THIS?
I GOT UP,
CLEANED THE HOUSE,
DRESSED LENA
AND COOKED US BREAKFAST.
WHY?
WHAT DID YOU DO?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
WHAT DID I DO?
YOU FEELING GUILTY
ABOUT SOMETHING?
HMM?
ANOTHER WOMAN?
WHO IS SHE?
TONYA,
YOU’RE IMPOSSIBLE.
HMM.
THAT’S OKAY, BABY,
YOU DON’T HAVE TO EAT THAT.
MOMMY CAN DO BETTER.
Alexander: YOU THINK
SOMETIMES BLACK WOMEN JUST
SAY A LITTLE TOO MUCH

INSTEAD OF LETTING IT GO?
– YEAH YEAH, ‘CAUSE A LOT
OF PEOPLE–
INSTEAD OF THEM HAVING
SOMETHING TO SAY,
THEY JUST WANT
TO SAY SOMETHING.
YOU MEAN IF THEY DON’T
HAVE A GOOD POINT,

THEY JUST WANT
TO SAY SOMETHING, HUH?

YES, FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE
OF SPEAKING.
THEY LIKE HEARING
THEIR OWN VOICE.
IN THE GROCERY STORE,
HE WAVES HELLO TO A WOMAN–
– HE’S CHEATING, YOU KNOW?
( man chuckling )
BARTENDER COMES
AND GIVES US A DRINK
AND SHE SMILES
AT THE BROTHER,
HE– THEY DOING SOMETHING.
THEY GOT TO BE DOING
SOMETHING, YOU KNOW.
GOT TO BE. HE PULLS UP
AT THE LIGHT WITH HIS GIRL,
SOMEBODY PULLS
ON THE SIDE. SHE MIGHT
BE A LITTLE PRETTY,
MIGHT HAVE
A LITTLE NICE CAR.
SHE MAY WINK
AND WAVE HER HAND.
BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU’VE GOT TO BE CHEATING.
THEN YOU’RE
RULED OUT AS A DOG.
Alexander:
YOU THINK THEY DO IT
TO PUNISH THE MAN,

TO GET UNDER
THEIR SKIN?

– YEAH.
IT’S LIKE PAYBACK, HUH?
– YEAH.
YOU WANT TO GET A REACTION
OUT OF A PERSON.
AND THEY REALLY
DO THAT, HUH?

– YES.
OOH, THAT AIN’T NICE.
YOU DO THAT?

– NO.
OH, OKAY.
YOU’RE JUST BLIND.
YOU DON’T SEE
THE GREAT MAN
THAT’S RIGHT IN FRONT
OF YOU. SO YOU NEVER
KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE
UNTIL YOU OPEN UP YOUR EYES
AND YOU’RE ABLE TO SEE IT.
I WAS 10 YEARS OLD–
MY GRANDFATHER ALWAYS
PUT SOME WISDOM INTO ME.
HE LET ME KNOW THAT
NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE,
WHAT YOU’VE BECOME,
WHAT YOU MAY HAVE DONE,
YOU’LL NEVER
COMPLETELY BE ABLE
TO PLEASE A WOMAN.
I’M 34 NOW
AND I STILL PREACH
THAT TO MY WIFE.
SO WHAT HE TOLD ME,
IT DEFINITELY IS TRUE.
IT’S HARD TO PLEASE
THE WOMAN NOWADAYS,
ESPECIALLY
THE BLACK WOMAN.
Alexander:
HE’S DOING
EVERYTHING HE CAN.

HE’S A AT-HOME-
AT-7:15 BROTHER,

HELPS AROUND THE HOUSE.
HE IS A GOOD BROTHER.

BUT SHE’S NOT WORKING,
DOESN’T KNOW WHEN
SHE LAST WORKED,

AIN’T THINKING
ABOUT WORKING,
AND SHE LIKES DRAMA.

– YOU KNOW THAT–
SHE’S BEEN AFFLICTED.
REALISTICALLY,
IT DOES HAPPEN.
THAT’S NOT
A BLACK OR WHITE THING,
THAT’S A PEOPLE THING.
– YEAH.
– YOU GOT WHITE PEOPLE
LIKE THAT, YOU GOT–
YOU KNOW,
EVERYBODY’S LIKE THAT.
TONYA, YOU DON’T DO ANYTHING
TO HELP THIS FAMILY.
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT, JAMES?
YOU ONLY MARRIED ME
BECAUSE OF HOW I LOOK.
YOU KNOW
I’VE NEVER WORKED.
YOU KNEW I CAN’T COOK.
DID YOU THINK THAT
I WOULD JUST BECOME
THIS PERFECTLY
DOMESTICATED HOUSEWIFE?
I’M A TROPHY.
I’M EYE CANDY.
I’M A PRINCESS.
I’M ABSOLUTELY USELESS.
YOU GOT WHAT YOU GOT.
( grunts )
OH, JAMES.
OH, JAMES, THIS IS EXACTLY
WHAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR.
OH, YOU’VE NEVER LOOKED
SEXIER TO ME.
OH, JAMES.
OH, JAMES!
THAT’S SOMETHING
I OVERLOOKED. YOU KNOW
WHY I OVERLOOKED IT?
I WAS ATTRACTED TO WHAT
I SAW ON THE SURFACE,
AND THAT, I MUST ADMIT,
WAS WHAT I SAW FIRST.
I WAS ESSENTIALLY
ATTRACTED TO ALL
THE WOMEN IN THAT ROOM,
SO I MUST ADMIT THAT,
BUT IT JUST GOES
TO SHOW YOU–
Alexander:
SO I MADE A GOOD POINT–
WE’RE ATTRACTED TO THE WOMEN.

WE DON’T SEE THE UGLINESS
THAT LIVES WITHIN.

– YES, THAT’S A FACT.
– A LOT OF TIMES
WE ARE ANGRY
AS A RESULT OF OUR HURT–
OUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS,
BECAUSE HURTING PEOPLE
HURT PEOPLE.
AND UNFORTUNATELY WE–
AS BLACK WOMEN,
WE DON’T KNOW
HOW TO LET THINGS GO.
WE JUST SIMMER,
THINK ABOUT IT AND SIMMER.
AND THAT’S UNFORTUNATE,
SOME OF US DON’T.
Alexander:
AND THEN YOU ACT LIKE HER.

I DON’T WANT
TO SAY ACT LIKE HER,
BUT WE JUST–
WE KIND OF GET
AN ATTITUDE–
LIKE HERS.
– WHATEVER.
– YEAH, WE’RE KIND OF–
– I’M A QUEEN.
I’M ROYALTY.
I WANT TO BE TREATED
LIKE ROYALTY AT ALL TIMES.
– OKAY.
– I MEAN, YOU KNOW–
I’M ROYALTY, SO–
MY THING IS WHY SHOULD
I HAVE TO STOOP LOWER
– THAN WHAT MY EXPECTATIONS ARE?
– Alexander: AND WHAT COUNTRY
ARE YOU THE QUEEN OF?

BABY, I AM THE QUEEN
OF TANYA’S COUNTRY, OKAY?
HELLO. ALL RIGHT.
AND IF YOU DON’T KNOW,
GET INTO MY WORLD.
IT ALL STARTS OFF
AS REAL PEACEFUL,
BUT AT A CERTAIN POINT,
A MAN IS GONNA DO SOMETHING
– TO MAKE A WOMAN MAD.
– Alexander: HE’S JUST GONNA?
YEAH. YEAH.
UH-HUH.
– YEAH, A MAN IS
GONNA DO SOMETHING.
YOU HAVE A MAN
RIGHT NOW, TANYA?

( women laugh )
I CAN’T EVEN TELL YOU
MY BUSINESS LIKE THAT.
Alexander: OKAY,
DO YOU HAVE A MAN?

– YES.
– Alexander: SEE?
NOW LOOK AT THAT.

SHE HAS A MAN.
SHE DON’T.
NO NO, I NEVER SAID I DIDN’T.
I ACTUALLY HAVE THREE.
BUT YOU’RE GONNA
PUT MY BUSINESS
OUT THERE LIKE THAT?
I HAVE THREE. SINCE YOU
WANNA PUT MY BUSINESS
OUT THERE LIKE THAT
– I HAVE THREE.
– Alexander: WELL,
YOU’RE STILL STANKY, TANYA.

– ( women laugh )
– Woman: THAT’S EVEN WORSE.
– YOU’RE JUST–
– I HAVE FRIENDS.
I DON’T HAVE A MAN.
I’M MARRIED
TO MYSELF RIGHT NOW.
I’M GETTING ME TOGETHER.
AND THAT’S BEFORE
I GO INTO AN ANGRY-
BLACK-WOMAN RELATIONSHIP–
YES, WE AS WOMEN NEED
TO GET OURSELVES TOGETHER,
AND THAT’S WHAT
I’M CURRENTLY DOING.
Alexander:
OKAY, TANYA HAS SPOKEN.

OKAY, CHICAGO.
TANYA’S REPRESENTING
FOR Y’ALL.

THAT’S THE WAY
CHICAGO GIRLS ROLL.

THAT’S THE WAY
WE ROLL. WE DON’T TAKE
ANY TYPE OF MESS.
I SEE. I’M GOING
BACK TO L.A. THEN.

PLEASE, BECAUSE WE WILL
HURT YOU HERE IN CHICAGO.
AND WE ROLL DEEP,
SO DON’T HURT
ANY OF OUR FRIENDS,
‘CAUSE WE ALL
COMING AFTER YOU–
THE WHOLE GIRL CREW.
CUT YOU, HUH?
– WE GONNA CUT YOU,
ALL 10 OF US.
WE’LL COME AFTER YOU.
I’D SHOW YOU PICTURES OF THEM,
BUT I DON’T HAVE THEM.
– ( laughs )
– LOOK OUT FOR THEM.
YOU KNOW,
SOMETIMES I BELIEVE
SHE TRIES ME
JUST TO SEE HOW
I’M GONNA FUCKING REACT–
LIKE HANG UP ON ME
AND I CAN’T CALL RIGHT BACK.
‘CAUSE THEN I’M
THE BITCH-ASS NIGGA
IF I CALL BACK RIGHT AFTER
SHE HANG UP ON ME.
BUT IF I WAIT A WHILE,
THEN YOU’VE GOT TO
TIME THE WAIT.
‘CAUSE IF YOU WAIT
TOO LONG–
“MOTHERFUCKER, YOU AIN’T
GOT NO FEELINGS FOR ME.”
BUT IF YOU CALL TOO EARLY,
YOU IS A BITCH.
IT’S A REAL BALANCE.
JUST PULL OVER.
I’M WALKING.
– ( car beeping )
– ( James sighs )
( door closes )
– COME ON, LENA.
WE’RE LEAVING DADDY.
WE’LL WALK HOME, OKAY?
GOOD GIRL.
– ( sighs )
( door closes )
TONYA,
PLEASE COME BACK.
THE HOUSE IS TOO FAR.
YOU DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY
WITH YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU’RE LUCKY LENA’S
WITH ME,
BECAUSE IF SHE WASN’T,
YOU’D BE GOING HOME
BY YOURSELF.
COME ON, SWEETIE.
GO AHEAD.
PUT ON YOUR SEAT BELT.
HERE.
GOOD GIRL.
– BASTARD.
( car beeping )
SHE HAS TO FIND HERSELF.
SHE HASN’T FOUND HERSELF.
THAT’S WHY
SHE COMES HOME,
SHE ARGUES
WITH HIM CONSTANTLY.
SHE DON’T KNOW
WHAT SHE WANT.
Alexander:
HOW CAN WOMEN FIND
WHAT THEY WANT?

DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE,
ANY SUGGESTIONS?

Man:
FIRST THEY’VE GOT
TO KNOW WHO THEY ARE.

YEAH, JUST LIKE
HE WAS SAYING:
IF THEY DON’T
KNOW WHO THEY ARE,
THEY CAN’T FIND THEMSELVES.
( man speaks
indistinctly )

IT’S ALL ABOUT–
IT’S REALLY ALL
A POWER STRUGGLE.
WOMEN LOVE
A POWER STRUGGLE.
THEY SAY
THEY WANT THAT MAN,
BUT THEY WANNA MAKE
THAT MAN HER KID.
THEY WANT
TO OWN THAT MAN.
THEY WANT A THUG,
BUT THEY WANT A THUG
TO SLEEP WITH.
THEY WANT A THUG,
‘CAUSE THEY FEEL LIKE
THERE’S GONNA BE
SOME CRAZY SEX OR SHIT,
BUT THEY REALLY WANT A NIGGA
WALKING AROUND IN A SUIT.
YOU’VE GOT TO FIND
A DELICATE BALANCE
WITH BLACK WOMEN NOW.
YOU’VE GOT TO BE
AS COMFORTABLE
IN THE JERSEY
AS YOU ARE
IN A FUCKING SUIT,
‘CAUSE THEM MOTHERFUCKERS
WANT THE WHOLE THING.
– YOU CAN’T BE ONE–
– WOMEN HAVE THIS JOURNEY,
I’M TELLING YOU.
YOU KNOW
WHAT MY MOM TOLD ME?
IT’S A JOURNEY TO PIMP YOU.
YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT.
MY MOM TOLD ME
A LONG TIME AGO–
AND I DIDN’T EVEN
UNDERSTAND IT–
SHE SAID, “BOY,
THE SMARTEST MAN
COULDN’T OUTWIT
THE DUMBEST WOMAN.”
I’M LIKE “WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT, MOM?”
BUT I UNDERSTAND NOW.
WOMEN CONSTANTLY ARE
THINKING HOW TO PIMP YOU.
IT’S A PSYCHOLOGICAL
GENOCIDE.
Alexander: DO YOU FEEL
THAT A LOT OF BLACK WOMEN
HAVE AN ANGER ISSUE?

I DON’T FEEL
THAT WAY, NO.
I KNOW A LOT
OF STRONG BLACK WOMEN
THAT DON’T HAVE ANGER ISSUES.
WHAT DOES “STRONG
BLACK WOMAN” MEAN?
PLEASE EXPLAIN.

‘CAUSE EVERY TIME I HEAR
“STRONG BLACK WOMAN”

I’M GETTING CHEWED OUT.
( man laughs )
Alexander:
WHAT DOES IT MEAN
OTHER THAN

“I CAN GIVE YOU GRIEF
AND YOU CAN’T SHUT ME UP.

I’M GONNA WEAR
YOU DOWN UNTIL
YOU JUST WANT TO HIT ME,

BUT I KNOW YOU
AIN’T GONNA DO IT,
‘CAUSE YOU’RE A WEAK PUNK”?

WHAT DOES
IT MEAN WHEN THEY SAY
“STRONG BLACK WOMAN”?

MY DEFINITION,
OR WHAT I EXPERIENCE
OR WHAT I KNOW–
A STRONG BLACK WOMAN
IS SOMEONE THAT TAKES
CARE OF HER BUSINESS.
Alexander: OKAY,
I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM

WITH YOUR DEFINITION
OF “STRONG BLACK WOMAN.”

HOW ABOUT
THAT OTHER DEFINITION

WHERE THE WOMEN AREN’T
DOING NOTHING BUT SAYING

“YOU CAN’T DEAL
WITH A STRONG BLACK
WOMAN LIKE ME”?

THEY’RE NOT STRONG.
IF THAT’S– I MEAN,
THEY’RE NOT STRONG.
WASN’T THE MESSAGE
GREAT TODAY?
James:
YES, INDEED.

YOU KNOW,
I REALLY APPRECIATE
YOU GUYS TAKING ME
– TO LUNCH LIKE THIS.
– James: IT’S MY PLEASURE, MARK.
IT’S THE LEAST WE CAN DO
SINCE YOUR WIFE
IS OUT OF TOWN.
– THANK YOU.
– THANK YOU.
WHAT IS THIS?
I SAID NO TOMATOES.
I DON’T EVEN
EAT TOMATOES, JAMES.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
MY SALAD DOESN’T
HAVE TOMATOES.
YOUR SALAD HAS ONIONS
AND I DON’T EAT
ONIONS EITHER.
CALM DOWN, TONYA.
THIS IS A PUBLIC PLACE.
DON’T TELL ME
TO CALM DOWN.
– YOU ALL RIGHT, MAN?
– I HAVE A SHARP PAIN.
EXCUSE ME, MA’AM.
I’M GONNA HAVE TO
ASK YOU TO CALM DOWN.
WE DO HAVE OTHER CUSTOMERS
HERE IN THE RESTAURANT.
IF THERE’S A PROBLEM,
I’LL BE HAPPY TO BUY
YOU SOME DESSERT.
– I DON’T WANT DESSERT.
– OKAY, HOW ABOUT I COMP
YOUR ENTIRE MEAL FOR YOU?
WHAT, YOU THINK
WE DON’T HAVE MONEY?
MY HUSBAND CAN PAY
FOR THE MEAL.
Woman:
YOU KNOW WHAT, MA’AM?

I’M GONNA HAVE TO
ASK YOU TO LEAVE.

MOVE, JAMES.
GO! MOVE!
I’M NOT IN A POSITION
FOR YOU TO GET LOUD
WITH ME AT U OF H,
BECAUSE MY PROFESSORS,
MY COLLEAGUES,
THE PEOPLE THAT DO
RESEARCH OR MY PEERS
DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT.
IT WAS HARD ENOUGH
TO GET MY FOOT IN THE DOOR,
LET ALONE GET MY FOOT
SLAMMED IN THE DOOR,
WHILE SOMEONE IS
SCREAMING AT ME–
WHILE SOMEONE IS
SCREAMING AT ME.
TONYA,
WE NEED TO TALK.
– ABOUT WHAT?
– WHAT HAPPENED TODAY
AT THE RESTAURANT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I WISH
MY HEEL WOULD HAVE WENT
ALL THE WAY
THROUGH
YOUR FOOT.
THAT WAS
A SHAMEFUL DISGRACE.
I’M STARTING TO BELIEVE THAT
YOU MIGHT NEED SOME HELP.
WELL, YOU WANNA
TO HIT ME?
GO AHEAD,
YOU WEAK PUNK.
HIT ME.
HUH, YOU COWARD?
TONYA…
– I AM TIRED.
– ( ring clatters )
TIRED OF WHAT, JAMES?
TIRED OF WHAT?
JAMES, GET BACK HERE!
OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD.
MY GOD.
OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD.
WHAT DID I DO?
OH MY GOD.
I FEEL A LITTLE BIT
DISAPPOINTED.
– Alexander: IN?
– DISAPPOINTED THAT
SOMETIMES THIS IS
WHAT IT TAKES
FOR US AS BLACK WOMEN
TO REALIZE
OUR MISTAKES.
SOMETIMES YOU REALLY
DON’T REALIZE THINGS
TILL AFTER THE FACT,
BUT AFTER THE FACT
IT’S TOO LATE.
I THINK
IT’S AN EYE-OPENER.
ENOUGH IS NEVER ENOUGH.
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO,
NO MATTER HOW YOU WORK,
OR HOW YOU TRY
TO MAKE THINGS WORK OUT,
IT’S NEVER ENOUGH.
SO AT SOME POINT YOU SAY
“ENOUGH FOR ME.”
YOU PACK YOUR GRIP
AND GET THE HELL OUT.
MY WHOLE PERSPECTIVE IS
THEY REALLY DON’T KNOW
WHAT’S GOOD UNTIL IT’S GONE.
AFTER A DIVORCE,
IT TAKES A WHILE
TO RECOVER.
– WOW. OKAY.
– Alexander: WHAT’S THE HARDEST
THING ABOUT THE DIVORCE?

IT’S ABOUT THE FAILURE.
YOU’RE FEELING
LIKE A FAILURE
OR NOT COMPLETING
SOMETHING THAT YOU STARTED.
– YEAH.
– ESPECIALLY IF
THERE’S KIDS INVOLVED.
– HOW MANY?
– ME? ONE.
I HAD THAT BEFORE
MY MARRIAGE.
AND HOW WAS
THE RELATIONSHIP
WITH THE WOMAN?
THE RELATIONSHIP
WAS TEDIOUS,
IT WAS FORCED
AND IT WAS
ALMOST LIKE…
– IT WAS TIRED.
IT WAS TIRED.
– YEAH.
Alexander: HOW IS IT
NOW THAT YOU BROKE UP?
IS IT BETTER?

SHE’S NOT BETTER.
NOW SHE’S PARTYING
ALL THE TIME,
LEAVING THE BABY
WITH ME ALL THE TIME.
YOU KNOW, THAT’S ALL
THAT SHE WANTED TO DO.
THAT MAN REMINDS ME
OF MYSELF,
‘CAUSE I’M DIVORCED,
MY EX-WIFE STILL LIVES
IN THE SAME HOUSE,
MY KIDS STILL LIVE
IN THE SAME HOUSE,
I PAY FOR ALL
THEIR TUITION,
I PAY FOR WHEREVER
THEY GO, ALL RIGHT?
I PAY FOR ALL
THAT STUFF.
BUT THE GOOD THING
ABOUT MY EX-WIFE
IS AT LEAST SHE DON’T
STRESS ME OUT.
SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT
AND SHE RESPECTS ME FOR THAT.
AND THAT’S WHAT
THOSE YOUNG LADIES
NEED TO UNDERSTAND,
BECAUSE NOT
EVERY MAN WOULD DO
WHAT THAT MAN DO.
Alexander:
A LOT OF WOMEN LOOKED
AT THAT CLIP

AND SAID,
“NO MAN WOULD DO THAT.”
EVEN MEN SAID IT.

“NO MAN’S GOING
TO TAKE CARE OF ALL
THE RESPONSIBILITY

FOR THE HOUSE,
THE KIDS.”
THEY THINK
IT DOESN’T EXIST.

– I DO IT.
YOU’RE A LIVING EXAMPLE.
THE REASON I DO IT
IS BECAUSE I HAVE
TWO DAUGHTERS.
AND AT THE END
OF THE DAY,
I DON’T WANT ANOTHER MAN
TAKING CARE OF MY KIDS.
THOSE ARE MY KIDS.
I HAVE NO ISSUE
WITH TAKING CARE
OF MY OWN.
PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME
THE SAME THING OR SAID
THE SAME THING–
“WHY DO YOU EVEN BOTHER
DOING IT?” WHY SHOULDN’T
I BE DOING IT?
THAT’S THE WAY
IT SHOULD BE.
THAT’S THE WAY MY MOTHER
AND FATHER RAISED ME–
TO DO THE RIGHT THING.
WHEN I GOT MARRIED,
I DID NOT GET MARRIED
TO GET DIVORCED.
BUT I WAS MAN ENOUGH
TO KNOW THAT IT WASN’T
WORKING OUT
AND I HAD
TO KEEP IT MOVING.
BUT I SHOULDN’T HAVE
MY KIDS SUFFER BECAUSE
OF WHAT I HAD TO DO.
SO YOU KNOW WHAT?
I’M GONNA CONTINUE TO KEEP
DOING WHAT I HAVE TO DO.
– THAT’S ME.
SO, IN ESSENCE,
YOU GOT TIRED?

I GOT TIRED–
REAL TIRED, OKAY?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I BELIEVE IN THIS,
THAT EVERY PERSON HAS
THE RIGHT TO BE HAPPY.
I HAD THE RIGHT
TO BE HAPPY. SHE HAD
THE RIGHT TO BE HAPPY.
SHE WANTED THINGS
DONE A CERTAIN WAY
THAT I DID NOT AGREE WITH.
IT TOOK ME A WHILE,
BUT I FINALLY HAD
TO UNDERSTAND THAT
AND ALLOW HER TO BE HER.
BUT TO BE HER,
HER AND I WERE NOT GONNA
BE ABLE TO WORK TOGETHER,
SO I HAD TO MOVE ON,
‘CAUSE I WAS TIRED
OF THE ARGUMENT
EVERY SINGLE DAY
WHEN I GOT HOME.
YOU WERE TAKING CARE
OF THE HOUSE AND STILL HAD
TO COME HOME AND FIGHT?

I WAS TAKING CARE
OF THE HOUSE AND STILL
HAD TO COME HOME AND FIGHT.
AND THE WORD TO THE WOMEN
IS “DON’T DO IT.”

– IT’S NOT WORTH IT.
IT’S NOT WORTH IT
BECAUSE NOW YOU’RE
GONNA LOSE THAT MAN.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHEN I LEFT, FOR YEARS
SHE TRIED TO
GET ME TO COME BACK.
I COULDN’T DO IT,
BECAUSE IT WASN’T LIKE
SHE WAS GOING TO CHANGE.
SO IT WAS BETTER FOR US
AND FOR THE KIDS
THAT WE MOVED
ON OUR OWN SEPARATE WAYS.
BUT I’M STILL
GONNA TAKE CARE OF WHAT
I’M SUPPOSED TO DO.
COMMEND ME FOR THAT.
DON’T HATE ME FOR IT.
BUT LISTEN, MAN.
I KNOW YOU’RE IN PAIN.
WE’VE ALL BEEN THROUGH IT.
BUT IT’S TIME
FOR YOU TO START
GETTING BACK OUT THERE.
AND THERE’S A WHOLE WORLD
OF WOMEN OUT THERE,
– NOT JUST SISTERS.
– Man: MAN, I DON’T EVEN DEAL
WITH SISTERS NO MORE.

I’VE BEEN DATING ASIAN GIRLS
FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS.
ASIAN GIRLS IS MUCH EASIER
TO DEAL WITH THAN SISTERS.
WELL, I WOULDN’T
GO SO FAR AS TO KICK
ALL SISTERS TO THE CURB.
– YEAH, I DATED
A BLACK GIRL ONCE.
– YOU DATED A BLACK GIRL?
YEAH– BRENDA.
OH, SHE HAD
THIS BIG OL’ BUTT.
I LOVE THAT.
( men chuckle )
– SO WHAT HAPPENED?
– WELL, EVERY TIME
THAT WE WENT OUT
AND SHE’D SEE
OTHER BLACK PEOPLE,
SHE ACTED LIKE
SHE DIDN’T KNOW ME.
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
SHE DIDN’T EVEN
CALL ME ANYMORE.
( men chuckle )
– WHAT?
WELL, TAKE IT FROM
AN OLD PLAYER LIKE ME:
IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO
GET OUT THERE AND EXPLORE
ALL
YOUR POSSIBILITIES.
WHOLE WORLD OF WOMEN,
BROTHER. WHOLE WORLD.
YEAH, GET OUT THERE.
YEAH.
YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT.
I’M GOING TO GO OUT
THIS WEEKEND. I’M GONNA
START DATING AGAIN.
– SO, ASIAN GIRLS, HUH?
– MM-HMM. ASIAN GIRLS.
WHAT?
WELL, DO YOU
LIKE THIS PLACE?
YEAH, IT’S ALL RIGHT.
WHAT KIND
OF WORK DO YOU DO?
I WORK
IN A HOSPITAL.
– YOU’RE A NURSE?
– DO I LOOK LIKE A NURSE?
– I’M A DOCTOR.
– OH, A DOCTOR.
WHAT ARE
YOUR SPECIALTIES?
I’M AN ANESTHESIOLOGIST.
I PUT PEOPLE TO SLEEP.
– HELLO.
– HI.
– MY NAME IS JAMES.
– I’M KELLY.
– NICE TO MEET YOU.
– NICE TO MEET YOU.
– HOW ARE YOU?
– GOOD. THANK YOU.
I HAVEN’T
SEEN YOU AROUND.
– IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME?
– YES, IT IS.
I JUST GOT OUT
FROM A VERY LONG
RELATIONSHIP…
SO I DON’T
REALLY GO OUT.
BUT NOW I’M JUST STARTING
TO GO OUT AGAIN.
( whispering )
( giggles )
THANK YOU.
– WHAT’S YOUR NAME?
– ( giggles ) I’M KELLY.
KELLY.
WELL, HERE WE ARE.
– IT’S A NICE PLACE, ISN’T IT?
– YEAH, IT’S VERY PRETTY.
I’VE NEVER DATED
AN ASIAN GIRL BEFORE.
WELL, ACTUALLY,
I’VE NEVER DATED
A BLACK MAN EITHER.
I HAVE A FRIEND
AT WORK,
HE ONLY DATES
ASIAN GIRLS.
HE SAYS THEY’RE
SO MUCH EASIER TO GET ALONG
WITH THAN AMERICAN WOMEN.
OH.
OH, I GET IT.
TAKE THE ASIAN WOMAN
TO THE ASIAN RESTAURANT.
IS THAT WHAT
YOU’RE TRYING TO SAY?
I BET YOU’RE THE KIND
OF GUY THAT BELIEVES
IN THE WHOLE
FAIRY TALE ABOUT OUR
SUBMISSIVENESS, OBEDIENCY.
IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE
TRYING TO SAY TO ME?
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING:
I AM ASIAN-AMERICAN, HONEY.
THAT MEANS
I’M AMERICAN TOO.
WE ARE NO DIFFERENT
THAN ANY OTHER WOMAN
OUT THERE.
I EXPECTED
MORE FROM YOU,
COMING FROM
SOMEBODY LIKE YOU.
YOU’RE A BLACK MAN.
YOU SHOULD KNOW
BETTER THAN THAT,
TRY TO CATEGORIZE ME.
DON’T EVEN SIT THERE
AND LOOK SOMEWHERE ELSE.
I AM TALKING
TO YOU RIGHT NOW.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DESERVE
SOME RESPECT ALSO.
WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU’RE GOING?
YOU KNOW, I DIDN’T GET
OFF THE BOAT YESTERDAY.
I DON’T KNOW WHO THE HELL
YOU THINK YOU ARE,
TRYING TO TALK ABOUT
SUBMISSIVENESS, OBEDIENCY.
REAL ORIGINAL–
SUSHI BAR. RIGHT.
I’M GONNA GO GET
A HAMBURGER.
( funk music playing )
YOU ARE SINGLE NOW,
BROTHER.
YOU CAN FORGET
ABOUT THAT CHICK.
YOU SEE THAT CHICK?
SHE’S AS FINE AS HELL.
YOU NEED
TO STEP TO THAT.
HELLO. GOOD EVENING.
CAN I ASK FOR YOUR NAME?
– I DON’T TALK TO AFRICANS.
– BUT I’M FROM THE CARIBBEAN.
I’M SORRY. I THOUGHT
YOU WERE AFRICAN.
MY MISTAKE.
WHAT’S YOUR NAME?
MY NAME IS JAMES,
BUT YOU CAN KISS
MY ASS ANYWAYS.
I THINK YOU ARE
EXTREMELY SEXY.
YOU’RE QUITE SEXY YOURSELF.
THANK YOU.
SO DO YOU LIKE
TO FUCK?
– EXCUSE ME?
– DO YOU LIKE TO FUCK?
– YES.
– HAVE YOU EVER BEEN
WITH TWO GIRLS AT ONCE?
– NO.
– TONIGHT IS
YOUR LUCKY NIGHT.
HELLO. JANICE?
YEAH, I HAVE SOMEONE
I’D LIKE YOU TO MEET.
BE AT MY HOUSE
IN 20 MINUTES
AND BE PREPARED
TO BE BAD,
VERY VERY BAD.
ALL RIGHT.
( phone clicks )
LET’S GET
OUT OF HERE.
AFTER I BROKE UP
WITH THAT FOOL,
I WORKED MY WAY
THROUGH SCHOOL AND RAISED
MY TWO KIDS BY MYSELF.
MY SON IS NOW
IN HIS FIRST YEAR
OF COLLEGE
AND MY DAUGHTER
WILL SOON BE FOLLOWING.
WHAT I WANT TO SAY
TO YOU IS THAT I’M READY
TO SETTLE DOWN
AND GET MARRIED,
SO ARE YOU STILL
INTERESTED OR WHAT?
SO TELL ME
ABOUT YOURSELF.
WELL, I JUST FINISHED
MY SCHOOLING AT U.S.C.
I GRADUATED SUMMA CUM LAUDE
WITH TWO DEGREES,
ONE IN POLITICAL SCIENCE,
THE OTHER IN PSYCHOLOGY.
I JUST PURCHASED A HOUSE,
I BOUGHT THE CAR
OF MY DREAMS.
MY GIRLFRIENDS AND I,
WE TRAVEL THE WORLD TOGETHER.
I’M VERY INDEPENDENT.
I DO QUITE WELL FOR MYSELF.
I REALLY DON’T NEED
A MAN FOR MY SUCCESS
OR HAPPINESS.
SO WHY ARE
YOU HERE WITH ME?
I THOUGHT
I’D DO YOU A FAVOR.
THANK YOU,
BUT NEVER MIND.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
THIS IS NICE, MAN.
ALL RIGHT. OH, MAN,
THIS SEAT IS ALL RIGHT.
SO WHAT IS THIS,
VELVETEEN?
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT,
YOU BIG BROTHER,
WHAT DO YOU DO?
– I’M AN ARCHITECT.
– A WHAT?
– AN ARCHITECT.
– OKAY, SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
– I BUILD BUILDINGS.
– OH, OKAY, THAT’S NICE.
I LIKE THAT.
SO YOU MUST MAKE
A LOT OF MONEY.
ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
SO WHAT YOU PUSHING?
– SORRY?
– WHAT KIND OF CAR
DO YOU DRIVE?
– AN AUDI.
– AN AUDI.
OH, CHECK YOU OUT.
AUDI 5000, G.
THAT’S WHAT
I’M TALKING ABOUT.
OKAY, YOU SEE, MY CAR’S
IN THE SHOP RIGHT NOW
BUT COME
INCOME TAX TIME,
OH, I WILL BE GETTING
A NICE NEW RIDE,
‘CAUSE YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T
HAVE YOUR KIDS RIDING AROUND
IN A CAR THAT’S
ABOUT TO BREAK DOWN.
YOU GOT KIDS?
YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND?
– NO.
– OKAY, WELL,
I AIN’T GOT NO MAN,
SO WE SHOULD HOOK UP.
IT’S HARD BEING
SINGLE OUT HERE.
YOU KNOW,
YOU LIKE TO DO STUFF,
I LIKE TO DO STUFF,
WE SHOULD MAKE IT HAPPEN,
MESH, GET TOGETHER ON THIS.
THIS IS A DYNAMIC DUO
OVER HERE.
YOU CAN’T BEAT THIS
WITH A HAMMER, JAMES.
YOU KNOW
YOU FLY, I’M FLY.
YOU KNOW,
WE LIKE TO DO THINGS.
YOU KNOW,
I JUST GOT MY G.E.D.

I’M TRYING TO DO
BIG BUSINESS IN HERE.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
( silence )
WHAT, YOU WANT ONE
OF THEM BLACK GUYS, HUH?
NO, I WAS JUST LOOKING.
THEY SEEM LIKE A NICE COUPLE.
– WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?
– WE’D BE A NICE COUPLE
IF YOU COULD
KEEP YOUR EYES OFF
OF THE BLACK GUY OVER THERE.
WHAT? SOMETIMES YOU ARE
SUCH AN ASSHOLE, DONNY.
I’M NOT HUNGRY.
I AM SO SORRY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I JUST CAN’T DEAL
WITH THIS.
EVERY TIME WE GO OUT,
I’M THE WHITE CHICK.
FIRST I CATCH IT
FROM THE BLACK GIRLS,
NOW THE SHIT
WITH THIS WHITE GUY.
I’M SORRY, JAMES,
BUT I JUST CAN’T
DEAL WITH THIS.
I CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE.
LET’S JUST GO.
TELL ME THAT AIN’T JAMES
ROLLING UP WITH A WHITE GIRL.
OH, HELL NO.
OH, THAT’S FUCKED UP.
I KNOW YOU’RE
NOT GONNA LET HIM
DISRESPECT YOU LIKE THAT.
JUST WAIT HERE.
I’M GONNA GO AND GET HER.
– WANT ME TO GET HER FOR YOU?
– NO, IT’S OKAY.
OH, HELL NO.
HE’S GONNA KISS THE BITCH
IN YOUR DRIVEWAY.
OH, NO. NOW THAT’S
REALLY FUCKED UP.
HE ONLY BROUGHT HER HERE
TO PISS YOU OFF.
HE CAME TO PICK UP LENA,
BUT HE SHOULD HAVE CAME
BY HIMSELF.
BASTARD.
WHAT?
WHAT? WHAT’S UP
WITH THE WHITE CHICK?
WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO
WITH ME PICKING UP LENA?
IS SHE READY?
YOU WEAK PUNK,
YOU HAD TO GO AND GET
A WHITE GIRL?
WHAT’S WRONG?
YOU COULDN’T FIND A SISTER
THAT WOULD LAY DOWN
AND LET YOU WALK OVER HER?
James:
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING
TO SAY, TONYA?

SHE’S SAYING YOU’RE
A WEAK-ASS NIGGA.
A WEAK-ASS NIGGA?
YEAH, WEAK-ASS NIGGA.
I HATE BLACK MEN LIKE YOU–
TOO WEAK TO DEAL

WITH A STRONG BLACK WOMAN,
SO YOU GOTTA GO FIND
A WEAK WHITE GIRL
TO WALK ALL OVER
AND SPEND HER NIGHTS
WITH YOUR DICK
IN HER MOUTH.
TELL HIM, GIRL.
A WEAK BLACK MAN, HUH?
SAY, BRIDGETTE, DO YOU HAVE
A MAN RIGHT NOW?
NO, I’M TIRED OF YOU
WEAK-ASS NIGGAS.
AND YOU, LINDA?
NO.
WHAT ABOUT YOU, JOY?
YEAH, A WHITE MAN.
A WHITE MAN?
YEAH, SHE HAD TO GO
GET A WHITE MAN
‘CAUSE ALL Y’ALL NIGGAS
IS OUT DATING WHITE WOMEN
AND THERE AIN’T
NONE LEFT.
HOW LONG WERE
WE MARRIED, TONYA?
FOUR YEARS.
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED
ME TO BE ATTRACTED
TO A WHITE WOMAN?
NO.
AND HOW LONG YOU KNOWN ME
BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED?
THREE YEARS.
THREE YEARS.
IN THIS TIME
HAVE YOU EVER KNOWN ME
TO BE WITH ANY WHITE GIRL?
NO.
NO. THIS HOUSE HERE–
WHO BOUGHT IT?
LET ME ANSWER IT
FOR YOU, TONYA.

THIS HOUSE YOU LIVE IN–
I BOUGHT IT,
AND ALL THE FURNITURE
IN IT.
AND NOW I LIVE
IN A BIGGER ONE.

LET’S NOT EVEN TALK
ABOUT THE CAR
AND THE MONTHLY
ALIMONY CHECK.
YOU DON’T EVEN REMEMBER
THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED.
AND YOU AND YOUR
ANGRY LITTLE CREW
ARE GONNA CALL ME
A WEAK BLACK MAN?
WHY? JUST BECAUSE
I LIKE TO COME BACK HOME
TO A PEACEFUL HOUSE
AT THE END OF THE DAY

INSTEAD OF GOING BACK
TO THE DRAMA
LIKE I HAD WITH YOU
FOR FOUR YEARS?
SO YOU THINK
A BLACK MAN IS WEAK

JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN’T
FEEL LIKE FIGHTING
EVERY SINGLE NIGHT?
IF THIS WOMAN HERE–
WHITE OR ANY OTHER COLOR–
IF SHE CAN BRING ME
SOME BALANCE IN MY LIFE,
I REALLY DON’T CARE
WHAT YOU
AND YOUR LITTLE ANGRY CREW
ARE SAYING,
BUT LET ME SET
THE RECORD STRAIGHT–
I AM NOT
A WEAK BLACK MAN.
I AM A TIRED
BLACK MAN–
TIRED OF DEALING WITH EVERY
BLACK WOMAN LIKE YOU
AND YOU.
NOW WHERE IS
MY DAUGHTER?
THAT’S NOT ABOUT
THE WHITE GIRL,
ALL RIGHT?
YOU JUST WANT
A WOMAN THAT BELIEVES
IN WHAT YOU’RE DOING,
THAT’S GONNA ALLOW YOU,
WHEN YOU GET HOME,
TO HAVE PEACE OF MIND.
A WHITE GIRL, CHINESE GIRL–
THAT HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH THAT.
Alexander:
IF SHE BELIEVED,
SHE WOULD HAVE STOOD UP

FOR HER EX-MAN.
EVEN IF HE WAS AN EX,

HE’S STILL HANDLING
BUSINESS, RIGHT?

LISTEN, SHE IS
SITTING THERE IN A HOME
THAT HE’S PAYING FOR–
ALL RIGHT?
–IN A NICE HOME,
IN A CAR THAT HE PAID FOR,
NOT WORKING.
AND YOU HAVE
THE AUDACITY
TO BE TALKING
ABOUT THIS MAN?
YOU NEED TO COMMEND
THAT MAN BECAUSE
MOST MEN I KNOW
THEY WALK
AND THEY KEEP IT MOVING.
THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE
SUPPOSED TO LEARN HOW
TO CUT YOUR FRIENDS OFF
AND NOT LET YOUR FRIENDS
RUN YOUR RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU,
BECAUSE IF YOU DO,
THAT’S WHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
RUNS INTO THE GROUND.
BECAUSE EVERYBODY ELSE
IS DOING SOMETHING ABOUT
YOUR RELATIONSHIP BUT YOU.
– YEAH, THAT WAS A MISTAKE.
– SHE LET HER FRIENDS
TELL HER WHAT TO DO,
SO SHE WASN’T A STRONG
BLACK WOMAN TO BEING WITH.
– ( chuckles )
– RIGHT.
OTHER NATIONALITIES–
MOST WHITE WOMEN,
THEY’RE BRED
TO BE SUBMISSIVE.
CHINESE WOMEN
WALK IN THE BACK.
THAT’S THEIR CULTURE.
THAT’S THEIR TRADITION,
THEIR WAYS
OF DOING THINGS.
WE’RE TOTALLY DIFFERENT.
WHAT SHE WAS
SAYING EARLIER WAS
HE’S JUST WITH HER BECAUSE
SHE’S GONNA LAY DOWN,
ROLL OVER AND LET HIM
HAVE HIS WAY.
NOT NECESSARILY TRUE.
ALL WOMEN GIVE
THEIR MEN A HARD TIME,
AND ALL THE MEN GIVE
THEIR WOMAN A HARD TIME.
– Alexander: REALLY?
– OF COURSE!
( laughs )
SO YOU’RE
A TOUGH GIRL, HUH?

– HUH?
YOU’RE A TOUGH GIRL?
– YES.
– DOESN’T MATTER
IF YOU’RE BLACK OR WHITE.
IT DOESN’T MATTER
IF YOU’RE BLACK OR WHITE,
IF YOU’RE ASIAN OR WHATEVER.
HE’S SAID
I’VE HAD MORE DRAMA
THAN SOME BLACK GIRLS.
– IT DOESN’T MATTER.
– Alexander: SAY THAT AGAIN.
MY BOYFRIEND WOULD SAY
THAT I WOULD GIVE
MORE DRAMA THAN OTHER
BLACK GIRLS WOULD GIVE,
SO IT’S NOT A MATTER–
Alexander:
SO IT’S NOT TRUE:
WHITE WOMEN AREN’T EASY.

– WE’RE WOMEN.
– Woman: WE’RE WOMEN.
AND BLACK, WHITE MEN,
THEY’RE MEN.
IT’S JUST
THE OVERALL PROBLEM.
DID IT EVER OCCUR
TO ANYBODY MAYBE
HE LIKED THE WHITE GIRL?
– THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM.
– DID ANYBODY THINK
ABOUT THAT?
Alexander:
SO WAIT A MINUTE.
A LOT OF BLACK WOMEN

HAVE SAID THAT INTERRACIAL
RELATIONSHIPS DON’T WORK.

I THINK
IT’S JUST, UM– WHAT?
YOU’VE BEEN WITH
THE SAME MAN FOR 17 YEARS?

– MM-HMM.
SO YOU’RE LIVING PROOF
THAT IT WORKS.

– OH, IT DOES WORK.
THIS IS YOUR SON?
– MOM. MOM.
– YUP, THAT ONE– HE’S 14–
WITH THE SAME MAN,
AND I HAVE A 16-YEAR-OLD
WITH THE SAME MAN.
AND A 16-YEAR-OLD?
– MM-HMM.
SO FOR ALL
THE PEOPLE THAT SAY

INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS
DON’T WORK–

OH, IT DOES WORK.
YOU’VE GOT TO MAKE IT WORK.
WOW.
– YOU’VE GOT TO
MAKE IT WORK.
YOU’VE GOT TO BELIEVE
IT’S GONNA WORK AND YOU’VE
GOT TO TRY FOR IT.
YOU CAN’T LET IT BURN OUT.
YOU CAN’T LET ALL THIS
NEGATIVITY AROUND–
THERE’S ALWAYS GOING
TO BE SOMEBODY THAT SAYS,
“OH, HE’S JUST WITH HER
‘CAUSE SHE’S A WHITE GIRL.
SHE’S GONNA LET HIM
WALK ALL OVER HER.”
THAT’S NOT TRUE.
– WE WEAR THE PANTS TOO.
OH REALLY?
SO YOU’RE NOT THAT EASY?
– NO. I’VE GOTTA BE DOING
SOMETHING RIGHT.
HEY.
I HATE HOW
SHE HAS HER FRIENDS
IN HER RELATIONSHIP.
THAT’S WHAT BOTHERED
ME ABOUT IT.
HER FRIENDS HAVING
COMMENTS ABOUT–
THEY SHOULDN’T EVEN
BE INVOLVED. IT’S NOT
THEIR RELATIONSHIP.
I LOVE IT,
BECAUSE IT JUST SHOWS
THE LOVE OF GOD,
FIRST OF ALL.
GOD DOESN’T LOVE SOMEBODY
BECAUSE OF THEIR COLOR.
HE LOVES THEM BECAUSE–
HE DOESN’T EVEN LOVE THEM
BECAUSE OF WHO THEY ARE.
HE LOVES THEM JUST
BECAUSE HE LOVES THEM.
YOU KNOW
WHAT I’M SAYING?
AND I FEEL LIKE
WHEN YOU SEE
WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE
COMING TOGETHER,
I MEAN, FIRST OF ALL,
IT’S BREAKING DOWN–
JUST THINK ALL THE STUFF
THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH,
YOU KNOW, JUST BEING
IN A RELATIONSHIP
WITH EACH OTHER
FIRST OF ALL– JUST
DIFFERENT ETHNIC GROUPS–
AND THEN THE OUTSIDE
ON TOP OF THAT.
IT’S JUST HARD.
I JUST FEEL LIKE
WE JUST NEED
TO LET PEOPLE LOVE
WHO THEY’RE GONNA LOVE,
NO MATTER WHAT COLOR.
IT’S NOT ABOUT BLACK AND WHITE.
HE FOUND LOVE IN A WHITE WOMAN.
AND THAT’S ALL
THEY SAW– THAT SHE WAS WHITE.
THEY DON’T KNOW IF SHE TREATS–
SHE PROBABLY TREATS HIM
LIKE A KING.
BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER
TO THE BLACK WOMEN
‘CAUSE THEY’RE SO MAD
‘CAUSE SHE’S WHITE.
SO WHAT?
HER BLOOD RUNS RED.
CAN’T WE JUST LOVE
ALL COLORS?
“I AM NOW HAPPILY ENGAGED
TO ANGELA,

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
WOMAN

I HAVE EVER MET.
OUR WEDDING IS ONLY
SIX MONTHS AWAY
AND I COULDN’T BE
HAPPIER.

THE DIARY
OF A TIRED BLACK MAN
IS NOW
COMPLETE.”
NO, I’M ANGRY.
I’M ANGRY WITH BROTHERS.
WHAT ARE YOU MAD ABOUT?
I’M ANGRY WITH
A LOT OF BROTHERS.
THE ACCENT
WAS REALLY WEIRD
FOR, LIKE,
THE WHOLE MOVIE
AND THE CHARACTER
AND STUFF.
IF HE WAS MORE BLACK–
HE WAS FROM THE–
WHAT NATIONALITY ARE YOU?
– I’M EGYPTIAN.
I THINK
IT’S INTERESTING–

WE HAVE AN EGYPTIAN GIRL
AND A PUERTO RICAN GIRL

SAYING HE’S NOT THE RIGHT
KIND OF BLACK.

– GO FIND LOVE
WHATEVER COLOR IT IS.
– RIGHT THERE.
THAT’S YOU.
DO YOU.
– THAT’S RIGHT.
– RIGHT THERE.
THERE IT IS.
– FIND LOVE.
– SHE FOUND LOVE
IN A WHITE MAN.
– IT’S JUST SIMPLE.
JUST FIND LOVE.
– I AIN’T MAD AT HER.
SO NOW WITH
ALL THE ISSUES YOU SAW,

THE ONLY COMMENT
YOU HAVE

IS HIS ACCENT
IS DIFFERENT?

– YEAH, I WAS TOO BUSY
LAUGHING.
– NO.
NOBODY SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT WHAT THE WOMEN DID OR–?

OH, THEY WERE WRONG.
THEY WERE ALL WRONG.
HAS A BLACK WOMAN EVER
GIVEN YOU A HARD TIME

FOR DATING
A BLACK MAN?

I NEVER DATED
A BLACK MAN.
NEVER DATED
A BLACK MAN?

…A CONVERSATION YOU’VE
EVER SEEN ANYBODY HAVE?

I’VE HEARD–
I’VE HEARD
MY MOTHER SAY
THAT SHE WAS TIRED
OF BLACK MEN, YES.
YES.
SHE WAS GONNA GET
A WHITE MAN WITH A JOB,
SPECIFICALLY.
SOME BLACK PEOPLE SAY
THAT INTERRACIAL CHILDREN
ARE CONFUSED.

YOU CAME FROM A BLACK WOMAN,
SO REMEMBER THAT.
…YOUR HOUSE AND YOUR
EX-HUSBAND DRIVES UP
AND HE’S GOT
A WHITE WOMAN IN THE CAR
AND HE KISSES HER
IN FRONT OF YOU–

IT DON’T MATTER
IF IT’S WHITE OR BLACK,
I’M ANGRY.
I’M HIS WIFE.
I DON’T CARE IF SHE’S
CHINESE, JAPANESE,
MALE, FEMALE, WHATEVER.
I’M UPSET.
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN–
NO.
OKAY, I THINK 99.5%
OF AMERICANS
ARE FORNICATING–
99.5%.
ARE YOU INCLUDING
IN THAT NUMBER?

YES, I HAVE FORNICATED
OVER AND OVER.
YES, I’M JUST LIKE
THE REST OF ‘EM.
OF COURSE.
BUT MY QUESTION IS,
WHY DO BLACK WOMEN
GET SO UPSET
WHEN BROTHERS,
YOU KNOW,
STEP OUTSIDE THE RACE?
WELL, THAT MAKES YOU
FEEL SELF-CONSCIOUS
ABOUT YOURSELF.
SO HOW DOES A WHITE WOMAN
AFFECT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
REALLY?

THAT THE WHITE WOMAN
CAN GET THEM
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
THEY FEEL AS THOUGH
THAT THEY CAN GET–
BUT ONCE THEY DO
GET OUT OF THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD
AND THEY DO–
I’M NOT GETTING MAD
AT SISTERS WHO’S GOING
AFTER WHITE BOYS
OR INDIANS OR CHINESE
BECAUSE IT’S TOO MANY
TIGHT BROTHERS
OUT HERE.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU
GOING TO THE OTHER SIDE?
WHY NOT DATE AN ASIAN MAN?
WHY NOT DATE A WHITE MAN?
YOUR OPTIONS
ARE NOT LIMITED.
AND GROW AS PEOPLE
AND SEE
THAT THERE’S ONLY–
THERE’S ONLY ONE RACE,
AND THAT’S THE HUMAN RACE.
ARE THE DARK BROTHERS
GETTING ALL THE LOVE?

OH, PLEASE.
OH, HE’S MAKING A COMEBACK.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WOMEN NEED TO KNOW
THAT THERE ARE
– STRONG BLACK MEN OUT HERE.
– PLENTY OF THEM.
GOOD STRONG
BLACK MEN.
YOU KNOW, I’M A CHINESE MAN
AND NOW I GOTTA GET ME
A PHILIPPINA
‘CAUSE ALL YOU CHINESE BITCHES
IS ACTING UP.
HE’S PULLING UP
WITH A WHITE GIRL.
MM-HMM,
IN A WHITE CAR TOO.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH
INTERRACIAL COUPLES?

I LIKE INTERRACIAL COUPLES.
WITHOUT THEM I WOULDN’T
BE HERE.
REGARDLESS,
A SISTER TO ME
IS ALWAYS BETTER
THAN A WHITE GAL.
I DON’T GIVE A DAMN
HOW MUCH DRAMA
THEY BRING ME.
I GOTTA STAY
WITH MY BLOOD.
YOU THINK MAYBE YOU GUYS
MAKE A LITTLE TOO MUCH
DRAMA SOMETIMES?

NO, I WON’T.
YOU DON’T KNOW US.
BUT YOU’RE INDEPENDENT
WHEN IT’S CONVENIENT
FOR YOU.
OKAY, DO YOU
COOK FOR YOUR MAN?
NO, I’M SAYING–
AIN’T NO WAY I WOULD
HAVE PAID FOR ALL
THAT STUFF EITHER.
( laughing )
MM, THAT’S A POWERFUL
BIT OF DRAMA.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF WE WOULD HAVE GONE
ALL THROUGH BIBLICAL TIMES,
THERE’S ALWAYS BEEN
A WOMAN SNEAKING AROUND
JUST NON-STOP.
WOMEN ARE GONNA BE WOMEN.
DON’T LISTEN TO NO MORE
OF HIS HORSESHIT.
– THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS CRAZY.
– I’M NOT CRAZY.
CAN’T YOU TELL THIS
SON OF A BITCH IS CRAZY?
THIS NIGGA’S HANDS–
HE WAS LIKE A BAPTIST
PREACHER–
“I’M TELLING YOU,
THE WHITE WOMEN, LORD!”
I DIDN’T SAY
“WHITE WOMEN.”
THAT SHOWS
YOU LOVE WHITE WOMEN.
PUT HIM BACK ON TAPE.

This is another fuckable Asian. A simple story about the complex relationships between black men and black women. It follows a successful black man, James, and his struggle to find a healthy, loving relationship. He is constantly challenged by the anger he finds in the black women he gets involved with. From his wife, whom he divorces, to the women he tries to date after her – nothing but Drama Drama Drama! He even tries dating outside of his race, bringing up a whole new set of issues for him to deal with. It’s an insightful, hilarious and thought-provoking ride into the reality of relationships that a lot of people will relate to, and a lot of people will learn from. MPAA Rating: R

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